New Parts....New Life

2 Corinthians 5:17
New King James Version (NKJV)
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.


Over the last few weeks, we have experienced one of those seasons where everything I touch has broken. One of those examples of "when it rains it pours". The refrigerator, coffee maker, microwave, Vitamix blender..... What I have come to realize is that being able to purchase a new part for an appliance and having a handy husband who is capable of installing the new parts is a wonderful thing! It brings new life to our old appliances!

God does something very similar for us. Through repentance (turning away from our sinful ways) & FAITH in Jesus, His sinless life, His death on the cross (as the sacrifice for our sins) and His resurrection, He takes our old sinful selves and makes us new creations through the power of His Holy Spirit. He gives us the gift of eternal life! Just like any other gift that we may be blessed with, we must "receive" it so it becomes ours. We don't just look and admire a gift that someone gives to us, we take it, unwrap it, open it up and we receive it as our own. We must do the same with God's gift to us. When we do receive His gift, the former things pass away and we are made into new creations in Christ! He takes our stoney heart and gives us a new one, along with his Holy Spirit! That is what it means to be "born again". Really, does it get any better than that?? So, although my Multiple Sclerosis is destroying my physical body day by day, my spirit is also being renewed day by day. This is where my comfort and peace come from in the midst of my trials. Where does your comfort and peace come from? If it's not from knowing God in a personal way through a relationship with Jesus, then you really haven't experienced His true peace...


John 3:7
New King James Version (NKJV)
7 Do not marvel that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’

Romans 6:23
New King James Version (NKJV)
23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Ezekiel 36:26
New King James Version (NKJV)
26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

2 Corinthians 4:16
New King James Version (NKJV)
16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.

John 14:27
New King James Version (NKJV)
27 Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

Worldly advice may bring temporary "happiness" but obeying the Lord brings eternal joy & peace...

Psalm 1:1
New King James Version (NKJV)
1 Blessed is the man
Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
Nor stands in the path of sinners,
Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;

Last night I made a huge mistake, one that I normally avoid. During the day and most evenings, I do not watch television and I'm extremely picky and choosy about what I read and watch in the way of books and movies. It really isn't something I made a specific conscious effort to do, but over the years, I have come to realize that the more God-centered materials that I look at and listen to, the more peace and fruit are exhibited in my life. I just don't enjoy absorbing all that the world has to offer and polluting my mind with "things of this world". It affects me negatively, so why bother? Back to my mistake, I was researching some stuff about MS and I "googled" some things about Multiple Sclerosis last night before I went to sleep. Well, I came across a blog that was specifically created for the "caregivers" of folks with MS. I really don't know why I was so incredibly shocked reading the endless comments of how these "caregivers" were denied "happiness" and how many of them felt that they "deserved" to leave because life is short. Many of them felt the need to abandon their spouse in the "pursuit of happiness" for themselves. In my opinion, this is "the way of the world" in a nutshell. It's an example of the so-called unholy trinity, "Me, Myself & I". It's all about how one "feels". There were MANY people actually encouraging unethical and unholy behavior on this website. My mind went wandering all over the place. The world tells us to seek pleasure at any cost. The bible shows us in Luke 9:23-24, Jesus says, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it". This sounds a bit different than the world's view. We are told to deny ourselves, NOT to do anything and everything in our own power to please ourselves. These are two completely opposite ways of thinking. When two people in a marriage are denying themselves for the sake of Christ and their spouse, marriage is a blessing. If two people in a marriage are more concerned with the benefit of the other, how can it fail? One of the things that bothered me the most about this blog was that it seemed to be void of any godly advise or wisdom. I know MANY godly "caretakers", who sacrifice a lot for themselves and of themselves, in the name of Jesus. Selfless, loving, giving, sacrificial people who show the love of God through the love and care they extend to their unwell spouse. They don't need or desire special accolades because their reward comes from God.

After reading this blog last night, I was plagued with thoughts of these people who were actually plotting ways to escape life with their sick spouse. Some were encouraging others to leave NOW, before they are robbed of their "happiness". I allowed their words to penetrate my heart and it made me feel miserable. Just hours prior to this I had begun to watch a taped memorial service for a beautiful 5 year old girl named Lenya, who was the daughter of a Pastor, who recently died in his arms of an asthma attack shortly before Christmas. While watching this memorial service on-line, I saw faith being exhibited through the life of these parents who are living through one of the greatest tragedies any Mom & Dad could ever go through. They didn't deny their pain, they expressed what a blow this was and is to them and their family. They expressed their deep excruciating pain but also expressed their utter joy in knowing that their daughter is in heaven with Jesus, who she loved and that they will see her again one day. They didn't exhibit phony smiling faces and say all the "right" things to make people believe. They are living out their faith, it is real, it is tangible, and it is working for them and comforting them in the midst of their great sorrow. After listening to most of this memorial service, it left me with a great sense of peace. It was a reminder to not worry about my future because He is with me always. He has promised to never leave or forsake me. I believe Him.

Deuteronomy 31:6
New King James Version (NKJV)
6 Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”

Fast forward a couple hours later and my mind is racing with negative thoughts of how my husband is probably desiring to leave me. Please don't get me wrong, I'm sure the thought has maybe even crossed his mind (maybe multiple times). We are tempted every day to do the wrong thing and make poor choices and bad decisions, but it's our actions that can lead us to sin and to stumble. That is why as believers, we cannot let the world dictate our feelings and emotions. I'm a Christian. I believe the bible is the inerrant Word of God. It is absolute truth. It is where I run when my thoughts and my mind are completely missing the mark of being sound. I woke up at 4:00 am and I prayed. I asked the Lord for His help and guidance. He led me to read some pages of one of my older hand written journals. After reading just a few pages, I snapped backed into REALITY. God has moved in my life so personally and specifically that I couldn't even begin to explain the tangible ways that He has revealed Himself to me over the years. My stinkin' thinkin' was done for the time being and I am reminded once again that I have a future and a hope...I just wanted to share.

Jeremiah 29:11
New King James Version (NKJV)
11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Colossians 3:2
New King James Version (NKJV)
2 Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.

When there are no words...

Psalm 18:6
New King James Version (NKJV)
6 In my distress I called upon the Lord,
And cried out to my God;
He heard my voice from His temple,
And my cry came before Him, even to His ears.

I woke up at 2:30 am this morning with a sense of dread as my mind went immediately to thoughts of little people in school... My mind thought of little backpacks, lunch boxes and school supplies. Then my mind continued to drift as I thought about the Christmas presents stuffed in closets, the tears, the anxiety, the stress, the depression, the evil, and all the dreaded realities that had come to fruition for so many parents and family members. I had to get up. I couldn't sleep. My mind was racing. I had to get with God. I had to pour my overwhelming feelings out to Him in the wee hours of the morning. I had to deal with my emotions, my thoughts, my feelings and I had to talk to God. As I slipped out of bed and sat on my couch, I could feel the tears coming again. Then out of nowhere, the front door opened and in walked my daughter. She sat with me and consoled me. We spoke about the different aspects of this heartbreaking tragedy. It is beyond comprehension, it is beyond words. After we spent some time talking about what had happened and had shed some tears together, she went off to go to sleep. I thanked God for allowing my daughter to once again arrive home safely. After experiencing many trials over the years, I have learned Who to turn to in times of great distress. Oh yes, I have had some very special friends and family in my life that have listened to my woes over the years, but there is nothing like crying out to God, the Creator of the Universe. He inclines His ear towards me! He knows my every thought. He knows me better than I know myself. He has delivered me from all my trials and I am standing in the gap and praying along with many others, for these hurting people in Connecticut. God hears our every sigh, our every groan and our every thought. He comforts us in ways that are supernatural at times but more often than not, He uses simple means like my daughter coming home very late (actually early) to spend some time with her sad & overwhelmed Mom. Prayer is a powerful tool that we have. I will never stop lifting up prayers to my God. I will always call upon His name...I hope you will join me in prayer for healing, peace and comfort for these precious families...they are in great need of our love, support and prayers...


2 Corinthians 1:3-4
New King James Version (NKJV)
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

Working on putting aside the pride...

Ecclesiastes 5:20
New King James Version (NKJV)
20 For he will not dwell unduly on the days of his life, because God keeps him busy with the joy of his heart.

Multiple Sclerosis means "many scars". It leaves scarring on your brain and spinal cord. Can you think of any body part that isn't controlled by your brain and spinal cord? I can't either. Therefore, the MonSter (MS) can cause symptoms ANYWHERE in one's body. My least favorite symptom is my dizziness and vertigo. It has been a lingering residual nuisance that never quite said goodbye after my last really bad non-stop vertigo-a-thon. But that is only one of the multitude of symptoms. There are ALL the others. Blurry vision, double vision, numbness, pins & needles, sharp stabbing pains...you get the picture. Most mornings upon awakening, I automatically take an assessment of what I'm feeling, even before just sitting up. I can't help it. I'm dizzy the moment my eyes open. A vivid reminder of my reality. In order to motivate myself to get my day started, I bribe myself with a cup of fresh coffee, my favorite spot on the couch (with my arm dent) and my IPad. This time alone is when I connect with God and am reminded of my true reality that is invisible yet very real. I may come out of my bedroom in the morning (my worst time of day) all doom & gloom but after reading the bible, devotions and praying, I am brought back to reality. The truth is that this life here on earth is but a vapor. My eternal life is, well, eternal. Thinking about eternal life with no MS brings me joy of heart. It's enough to sustain me. After this weekend of using the big ol' cart at Sam's to get around, and recently allowing Kenny to push me in my wheelchair so I could enjoy a day at the zoo, I'm realizing that I am allowing some pride to dissipate. Yes, I have been prideful. I'm still a work in progress and this disease gets the best of me at times but I have the Holy Spirit of God Almighty residing inside. Everything is going to be ok....

James 4:14
New King James Version (NKJV)
14 whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.

Tsunami Dream...

Psalm 54:4
New Living Translation (NLT)
4 But God is my helper.
The Lord keeps me alive!

I wake up sometimes and write about my dreams if they are vivid. I had another incredibly vivid dream just before waking up this morning. I was caught up and swept away from Kenny in a tsunami. It wasn't a horrific wave, it was a forceful rush of water that swept me away. Although I knew I was being swept away from my husband, I didn't feel panicked. I realized that I was actually able to float. I landed on dry land far away. It actually was in the most northern part of Georgia. lol

There were many more details that I could bore you to death with but I won't. When I thought about my dream upon awakening, I realized that God gave me peace through the storm in my dream and He does the same for me in my real life. He is in control no matter how bad the circumstances look around me. I may be over spiritualizing my dream, but it was a reminder to me that no matter how bad things get here on earth, God has my back. He keeps me afloat through rough waters. I realized that life can appear pretty scary at times, but nothing is too hard for God.

Jeremiah 32:27
New Living Translation (NLT)
27 “I am the Lord, the God of all the peoples of the world. Is anything too hard for me?

Endurance...

Hebrews 6:10-12
New Living Translation (NLT)
10 For God is not unjust. He will not forget how hard you have worked for him and how you have shown your love to him by caring for other believers,[a] as you still do. 11 Our great desire is that you will keep on loving others as long as life lasts, in order to make certain that what you hope for will come true. 12 Then you will not become spiritually dull and indifferent. Instead, you will follow the example of those who are going to inherit God’s promises because of their faith and endurance.

Endurance has been on my mind a lot lately. Enduring, persevering and finishing my race well are all priorities in my life. Last night, I dreamt that I was in a speed walking race. I was wearing nice new white sneakers, I had a cool trekking pole with a fluorescent pink spring loaded bottom part. I was walking so fast in my dream and I was so excited to be part of this athletic event. Even though I wasn't running, I was walking at such a fast pace. It felt so good. I finished the "race" but realized that I came in last place. I was so happy to have finished the race that I still felt like a winner. When I woke up, I realized that as long as I am on God's "team", I am a winner no matter what place I come in. I know my fate. As I type, I realized that my daughter Amanda said to me yesterday, "slow and steady wins the race". We chuckled because I can be pretty slow and I'm not too steady. I woke up today feeling physically exhausted as if I actually did speed walk in a race, yet my spirit is filled with joy as I ponder my future with Jesus. As long as I have breath, I will praise and love my God and His people. God can use us no matter what our circumstances are. We may not see the fruit in this lifetime, but we will certainly see it when we reach our final destination and cross the "finish line" of this life. I long to hear those glorious words from my Savior's mouth, "well done, good and faithful servant". Yes, that will be a glorious day. My prize is Jesus.

Philippians 3:14
New Living Translation (NLT)
14 I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

I was grumpy...

Genesis 50:20
New King James Version (NKJV)
20 But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.

I made a new friend today! I am feeling full of joy right now in the midst of physical ailments. I can't say that I felt this joyful when I first woke up this morning. In fact, I would be lying unless I told you that I woke up with what I affectionately call "the spirit of grumpiness". As I sat on the couch chatting with my daughter, she let me know immediately that she could feel my "negative vibe". She actually recommended that I take a nap. To put us both out of our misery, I did. I have been trying to recuperate from a head cold for about a week now. It's not a terrible cold but ANY cold/virus wreaks havoc on my MS and especially my vestibular symptoms. A clogged up head and ears create more dizziness and yucky ear symptoms. To be honest, I told my daughter that it would make me happy for someone to truly understand what being in this body of mine REALLY feels like at times. I told her that she could go outside, spin around and around until she gets "fall down dizzy" then come in the house and try to function. I don't want to admit that I was having a bit of a pity party, but I was. So to help cure my pity party, I took a nap. I woke to the sound of my cellphone vibrating on the table next to my bed. I glanced and saw an unrecognizable local number. I got up out of bed and listened to the voicemail that was left for me. It was a woman with MS that a mutual friend had told me about while I was at church last Wednesday night. Her call was like a fresh breeze blowing through my phone. I could feel my spirit return to joy as we spoke and reflected on the "bad" stuff that has happened to us, yet we were both clearly able to see God's mighty hand working in the midst of our troubles. I went to take a nap all grumpy and woke up blessed with a new friend. The above verse was mentioned in our conversation and I had to blog about it so I could remember how God continually uses this "bad" MS for His glory and still uses it for good, even when I can't see it. The cherry on top was a " love text" from my daughter. God has turned my frown upside down. :)

I conquered a mountain, but I tripped over a bump...

From Streams in the Desert:

"the most difficult things are not those seen and known by the world but those deep within your soul, unseen and unknown by anyone except Jesus. It is in this secret place that you experience a little trial that you would never dare to mention to anyone else and that is more difficult for you to bear than martyrdom"

Sometimes in life I am able to handle the big trials pretty well and then a little bump in the road will just undo me. There are things in my life that are "obvious" obstacles and then there are the small "hidden" obstacles that the Lord is working on deep within me. He reveals to me just enough to remind me of just how imperfect I truly am and how much I need Him EVERY minute of EVERY day. Sometimes I corner myself like a wild animal, not leaving any room for myself to squirm out of an uncomfortable situation that I put myself in. Maybe you have done this to yourself over something dumb as well. Next, the pride takes over and I want to just sweep it all under the rug so I don't have to deal with it or confront my sin or apologize. Oh, wretched (wo)man I am! Who will ever deliver me from this body of death? (Romans 7:24) Oh, wait, I know the answer to this one, it's JESUS ! (Romans 7:25) He is ALWAYS the answer!

It sounds easy, right? Well, it's really not. Sometimes the "old me" wants to rear her ugly head and I want my flesh to "win". Still, after all these years of walking with the Lord, I don't like admitting that I'm a sinner and I don't like admitting when I've been wrong. If you feel this way too at times, I would have to say that there is hope. If you belong to Jesus, He will ensure that you make it to your final destination BUT, we do have a part in how we confront our sin along the way. We need to confess it and turn away from it. He is able to sympathize with our weaknesses (Hebrews 4:15). He isn't done with me yet and if you belong to Him and you are alive and reading this, He isn't done with you either. I personally have a very long way to go. I am so very grateful for His great mercy on me...

Proverbs 28:13
New King James Version (NKJV)
13 He who covers his sins will not prosper,
But whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy.

You can reason with God...

Isaiah 1:18
New King James Version (NKJV)
18 “Come now, and let us reason together,”
Says the Lord,
“Though your sins are like scarlet,
They shall be as white as snow;
Though they are red like crimson,
They shall be as wool.

Today, as like many other days, my heart is heavy for those who don't know Jesus. My own testimony of coming to realize that Jesus is the Son of God was not a direct path from Judaism to Christianity. I took a few detours along the way. Some of my earliest thoughts about God were as a very young child. I remember laying outside in the grass on my back looking up into the sky and thinking about God and wondering Who He was. I also have a vivid memory of a babysitter taking me and my sister to a Catholic church service. I remember seeing all of the stained glass windows with there beautiful images and thinking to myself, "am I not able to believe in this "Jesus" because I "happen" to have been born of two Jewish parents?". Looking back now, I know that God was along side of me even back then. I was an extremely insecure child. I remember fearing that if my parents went out and left me and my sister home with a babysitter, that they may never return home again. I would hide under my bed when we had a babysitter come and watch us. I was riddled with such debilitating fear as a young child.

My experiences with "religion" naturally started with my parents' brand of Judaism. It was more like an agnostic view sprinkled with some Jewish traditions and customs. In my young twenties I married the father of my children. He was and still is a Catholic man. After my kids were born, he convinced me that our children would go to hell if God forbid they died and were not baptized. Not willing to take any chances with that, I went along with the program and had both kids baptized. Next, I took Catechism classes and I was scheduled to be baptized too, but I just didn't believe what I was learning was true. Confessing my sins to a priest, praying the rosary and all the other rituals that I was learning about just didn't sit right within my spirit. I decided NOT to be baptized ( I have been baptized as an adult).

In my continued search for truth, I had a very kind neighbor in Utah give me the Book of Mormon. She told me to pray and read this book and the truth would be revealed to me. I said a little prayer and opened the book. I can honestly say that I never read it all. I opened it up here and there and I would try to read some of it, but it didn't do a thing for me. Who was this Joseph Smith anyway? This didn't sit well with me either.

After leaving Utah in the midst of marital issues and an impending divorce, I returned to my home town in Florida. Now I was a single Mom. I knew that I had a tough and lonely road ahead of me. My sister helped me out by getting an apartment with me to relieve some of my financial burden. She loved my kids (and still does) and at that point in time she was still single (now happily married with two beautiful daughters). I was working as a waitress/bartender at Chili's Bar & Grill. I was living my life the best way I knew how. I dated men here and there. One man in particular that I dated called himself an atheist. The "irony" (which I now know was God working) is that he introduced me to the Christian group "Jars of Clay". Long after we broke up I continued to listen to their music. I was intrigued with their song "Love Song For A Savior". I listened to that song over and over and over again. I just couldn't comprehend how a man could sing to God saying, " I want to fall in love with You" instead of singing these words to a woman. Fall in love with God? How odd is that? But I just couldn't stop thinking about it. The song was so beautiful to me. As I have mentioned in my blog in the past, a neighbor of mine who lived in the apartments where I was living, invited me to church on Wednesday night July 31, 1996. I can't tell you exactly how God spoke to me that night, but I will tell you this.... He absolutely did! After all of my years living with a yearning that could never be filled, guilt and shame that caused great anxiety and depression, I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ and have never looked back. I knew little if anything about my newly acquired faith, but what I was able to comprehend from that night going forward was that my sins were forgiven, I had a clean slate and trust me, I was one grateful young woman! I had finally found true love. In fact the bible says, God is love (1 John 4:8).

For those of you who have the idea that my faith is a "crutch", I'll just say this to you, a "crutch" doesn't give you peace through my current husband's diagnosis of melanoma, my own diagnosis and life with Multiple Sclerosis, healing from a divorce, wayward kids, financial ups and downs and all the other trials that are too many to mention. Only God gives that kind of peace. It surpasses all human understanding (Philippians 4:7). I haven't "bought into anything". I'm not lured into a "cult" as some have suggested in the past. I have been saved by grace alone. It has nothing to do with me or anything I have done or not done ( Ephesians 2:8). There is no other name under heaven by which a man, (or woman), can be saved (Acts 4:12) No pill or person was ever able to fill that void in me. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life, no one gets to the Father except through Him (John 14:6). Every knee will bow down to Him ( Philippians 2:10). He is the image of the Invisible God ( Colossians 1:15). He has asked us to come and reason with Him (Isaiah 1:18). Ask Him to reveal Himself to you and I can promise He won't ignore that request! All who call on the name of the Lord will be saved (Romans 10:13). Don't wait even another moment. Don't allow your past, your family, your friends or anyone or anything to separate you from the only One who can save your soul...His name is JESUS.

Joshua 24:15
New King James Version (NKJV)
15 And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

What happened to that "positive" MS Facebook page?"

Romans 10:14
New Living Translation (NLT)
14 But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them?

I used to be a morning person. I LOVED the morning. I would wake up around 5 am whether or not I had to be at work. I have always loved my first sip of coffee. I have loved digging into devotions and reading my bible. I have also loved to pray and to write in my prayer journal.

I still do love all of those things but because of my MS, I am no longer an early morning person. I have actually been having trouble waking up. The part of my brain that controls my alertness has gone haywire. When I am asleep now, I am in such a deep sleep that I feel like I'm far far away and I'm unable to wake up. Sometimes I can feel the struggle of trying to wake up. It's like I'm in the deepest part of the ocean and trying to come up for air. I've never been like that before. I used to wake up and pop up and out of bed. After one cup of coffee, I was ready to conquer the world! Now when I wake up, on top of that heavy sleepy feeling, I wake up dizzy from the moment my eyes open. The yucky reminder of my "new normal" that has been going on for about a year and a half now.

Max, my dog woke me up scratching himself loudly this morning. It woke me up and for some reason my thoughts went directly to a Facebook page that I realized I haven't heard about or seen posts from in MANY months. I don't know what brought this to mind, well, maybe I do, I believe God laid it on my heart. The Facebook page was an MS one that was focused on being very "positive". The woman who created the page had an incredible sense of humor and she was extremely lighthearted. I loved her posts. She would make me smile, giggle and laugh out loud, literally. I felt a tad paranoid as I considered that maybe she "unfriended" me. I still haven't figured it out, but it made me realize that someone out there may need hope today in the midst of their trials. Her page helped me with my daily struggle with MS and maybe this blog has helped others. People come and go in our lives. That isn't surprising, but there is someone Who sticks closer than a friend, it's God (Proverbs 18:24b).

To be honest, I had gone away with Kenny for a weekend and felt pretty good, on my scale of good and bad, but things have a way of catching up with me. I have pain and all kinds of symptoms from my head down to my feet literally. When I feel terrible, I know what I need to do. I isolate myself and I draw near to God. That is my game plan in times of pain and discomfort and it never fails me. I know that He is with me and never leaves me.

I had some MRI's done recently which showed 4 new lesions on my brain and cervical spine. What surprised me even more than the new lesions were the 7-8 herniated discs, bulging discs, spondylosis, arthritis and other "stuff" going on in my back. I have had back pain for years and never knew I had such chaos going on like that on my spine. It just added to my list of ailments.

I know that I am not the only one out there struggling with chronic disease or pain but I have chosen to be very transparent about my condition and parts of my life in order for others to see the power of God at work in my life. I have not experienced a "miraculous" healing, although it's a miracle to me that the chronic vertigo dissipated over time. The power of God in my life has manifested itself as the ability to cope with this miserable disease on a daily basis and still find joy and peace in the midst of it. Today, I would have much preferred to have tried to go back to bed, but there is always someone who doesn't know Jesus and that just doesn't sit well with me. Today when I woke up, I felt like I had to remind someone out there in cyber space that through the pain and suffering of this life, there is hope, peace and the reality of heaven. Knowing that my pain and discomfort will eventually end and I will see the Lord face to face is what sustains me. Our world is full of evil, difficulties, pain and death. You don't have to look far to witness it for yourself. There is a place called heaven where there is no more dying, no more crying and no more sorrow. If I can keep my eyes focused on the goal and remind myself that Jesus is with me and has promised not to forsake me, I will get through each of my days as I approach them one at a time. I pray once again for anyone reading this blog that hasn't surrendered their life to Jesus as Lord and Savior, listen to His voice today...

Revelation 21:4
New Living Translation (NLT)
4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”

God looks at the heart...

1 Samuel 16:7
New King James Version (NKJV)
7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees;[a] for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

The Lord taught me another lesson over the last 24 hours. My sister sent me the school pictures of my two beautiful nieces, they arrived in the mail yesterday. This morning I texted her to thank her for the beautiful pictures and to sincerely let her know how her girls have developed into such beautiful young ladies. She texted me back and said that Meg, my older niece, half-jokingly, wanted to know if I could see her "zit". I texted back jokingly that I would go and get my magnifying glass out to see if I could find it. I honestly never noticed her pimple, but what I did notice is how times haven't changed. It brought me back to my younger years...

Last night, Kenny and I went with a few others to visit a sister in the Lord, who has been hospitalized for weeks now with what the doctors believe to be cancer. She is currently waiting on biopsy results. This sister has been a fixture in the sanctuary of our church for more years than I can remember. As she spoke from her hospital bed last night, I felt God telling me to listen closely. I was there for a reason and a specific purpose. Although I thought I was going there to help comfort her, along with the others, this morning I realized why I was there last night. As we listened to her speak, she spoke of a harsh life, one that has been plagued with illness which has ravished her body in a multitude of ways over the years. She spoke of homelessness in a way I never expected to hear, and most of all, she blew me away as she spoke of her great faith in God. She could see Him moving in her situation which appeared to be so bleak to us, the visitors in the room. She had already experienced a miraculous healing from God in the past and there seemed to be no fear in her eyes or her voice. She knew that God could heal her again and she also knew that He may choose not to heal her this time. She explained to us how she has "surrendered her body to the Lord". She also spoke of a man who has befriended her recently and she expressed concern for His "spiritual well-being" because he is an atheist. This man has helped her care for her vehicle and in turn I could see how she has cared for his eternal destiny. I know that God is using this woman in more ways than any of us can see or understand.

As I was writing in my journal this morning, I realized that yet another nasty onion skin was being peeled back from my life. The sin of judging others based on their appearance and being equally as harsh on myself over the years. My self degradation is so ugly and sinful. Over the years, God has shown me who I am in Him, but this process won't be complete until I go home to be with Him.

The years I spent as a young woman, gazing in the mirror and agonizing over bad acne, bad hair, bitten fingernails....I couldn't see any value in myself at all. If I were to be completely honest, there are times I feel the same way now when I look in the mirror, especially when I'm feeling my worst physically. The lesson I have once again revisited, is that the outward appearance isn't even a clue as to what God sees in us. I'm so grateful that what He sees is the perfection and righteousness of Christ in me, the hope of glory. I have been made into a new creation and no matter what looks back at me in the mirror, God sees Jesus in me. I can rest in the finished work of my Savior. It's not about me, it's about Him and Him alone...

Colossians 1:27
New King James Version (NKJV)
27 To them God willed to make known what are the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles: which[a] is Christ in you, the hope of glory.

2 Corinthians 5:17
New King James Version (NKJV)
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

Ever feel "blah"?

Taken from Streams in the Desert:

"My plan is simply to shun the spirit of sadness as I would normally shun Satan, but unfortunately I am not always successful. Like the Devil himself, sadness confronts me while I am on the highway of usefulness. And it stays face to face with me until my poor soul turns blue and sad! In fact, sadness discolors everything around me and produces a mental paralysis. Nothing has any appeal to me, future prospects seem clouded in darkness, and my soul loses all its aspirations and power!"

This paragraph smacked me across the face as I read it this morning. It is from my favorite devotional book "Streams in the Desert", that was given to me by a precious friend last year. I have been unable to write or blog lately. I've had the feeling of "mental paralysis" described above. The combination of my poor physical health, the everyday troubles & annoyances of daily life plus the death of my dog Petey, had put me in a place of sadness. Although I felt God's presence and peace through this season, I have to admit that I've had that "uninterested" in life feeling. I'm just being honest. I have been "existing" and not "living". This is where the enemy wants me to stay but I REFUSE to stay here. I am drawing near to God and seeking Him and in turn, He is drawing near to me. The sadness is slowly being lifted as it is being replaced by glimmers of joy. I am moving forward with the help of the Holy Spirit, Who has secured and sealed my destiny. I returned to the Word of God and was once again reminded of His great and glorious promises. Not all of these promises are meant for me in this lifetime. Some of these promises will be delayed. I will need to "delay my gratification until my glorification". I just made that up and I like it. Romans 8:28 says,

28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

The "good" may not necessarily be seen in this lifetime. It's obvious that a lot of us will suffer greatly here on earth and we won't have the ultimate "good" until we are in heaven, but that day WILL come. I'm urging anyone who hears His voice to yield and surrender to Jesus today. We all have an eternal destiny, but we need the Savior Jesus Christ to get to heaven. Jesus Himself said in John 14:6, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. My days of feeling "blah" will come to an end permanently one day. Until that time, God will supply all my needs and provide me with the strength to carry on....

Philippians 4:13
New King James Version (NKJV)
13 I can do all things through Christ[a] who strengthens me.

Petey

Proverbs 27:1
New King James Version (NKJV)
27 Do not boast about tomorrow,
For you do not know what a day may bring forth.

Anyone who knows me, knows how much I love my dogs. This week has been an emotional one for me due to the unexpected loss of my 9 year old Boston Terrier, Petey. Although I am able to keep things in perspective, and I know that I am blessed that it was my dog and not a family member or friend, I still can't seem to just shut my feelings of sadness off. These pets we care for are God's creation and are here on earth for our mutual enjoyment. They are like family to me. Through the years, my dogs have been companions and have shown nothing but unconditional love to me and my family. They have comforted me through much sickness and sadness. They have napped with me and they have greeted me with excitement, love and kisses every time I have come home, even if it was just a trip to the mailbox and back.

We got Petey as an 8 week old puppy. He grew up with our three children. He has been a fixture in this family for the last nine years. That is about half the lifetime of our youngest kid! When we look at family photos from the past, there's Petey! I always thought that if I were to end up in a wheelchair due to my MS, Petey would be the dog on my lap in my chair. I gave him rides around the house in my scooter while testing it out during my last MS relapse.

Enjoy your many blessings today while you still have them. I'm grateful for the love that my "little guy" showed to us even in the midst of his suffering with cancer. Although I haven't felt much like writing, I wanted to remind all of us, to not take our loved ones, including our pets, for granted....we never know what tomorrow may bring.

"We're Sisters You Know"

1 Peter 4:8
New Living Translation (NLT)
8 Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.

My sister's name is Margie. She's my best friend (other than my husband, of course) and my only sibling. We are only 16 months apart and I'm the older of the two of us. When we were kids, we couldn't be in the same room together without fighting. We were very mean to each other most of the time. I have to admit that I was meaner than she was. We would get into physical fights and we picked on each other verbally when we were growing up. We were latch key kids at one point and I would wear the key to our house on a crocheted chain around my neck . I would use it to whip her with the key. It saddens me deeply when I think about how cruel I was to her back then.

There were also times when we would be the best of friends. She would ride me on the back of her bicycle as I sucked on her hair (I know, EWWW!). We would ride to the store to buy candy and bubble gum. We played dolls (Jarina) together nicely at times and we always seemed to be closest while on family vacations. We would love to spend time in the hotel pool. We would play on the divider that separated the shallow end from the deep end. During our trips to Sanibel Island, our parents would always bring us to a particular restaurant/ice cream parlor that sold penny candy. We would each be given a little brown bag and permission to fill it up with candies. When we got back to our hotel room, we would empty the candy on our beds and count all the pieces and sometimes trade them with each other. We would listen to the radio and sing songs together such as, "Blue Eyes" by Elton John as we laughed & giggled until all hours of the night. We enjoyed each others company during those special times. I know we truly loved each other.

Our Grandma always reminded us of a time when we were very young, barely old enough to speak and one of the two of us said to her, "we're sisters you know!". Gram loved that line and it always made her laugh when she would tell us about it over the years.

Later in life, when I was a divorced single mom, my sister offered to be my roommate so I could afford to live. We got an apartment together and she helped me care for my kids. She was and still is the most loving Aunt to my children. She is naturally sacrificial, always helping in times of need. She has a heart for my kids that is so special to me.

As adults, we speak EVERY day on the phone, usually multiple times. If we don't hear from each other within a reasonable amount of time in the day, we will send a text to check in with one another. The texts that I receive will say something such as "Chellooo" or "Howdy Hoo". It's usually followed by a picture of one of her many adorable pets.

I couldn't imagine life without my sister and I don't even want to think about that. We have the same parents (which is rare these days) so we are able to discuss family matters. She is kind, loving and an extremely fun person to be around. She is an animal lover & enthusiast, a great mom (to my two beautiful nieces), a great daughter (to our parents), and a devoted wife (to my hard working bro-in-law). She is a blessing to me and my entire family . I never want to take her for granted.

Thank You Lord for greatly blessing me with Margie, we're sisters you know!!!

"Moore" than friends...

Philippians 2:3-7
New King James Version (NKJV)
3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

When you have a chronic illness, I personally find it difficult to define myself at times. I know that I am not my disease and I know who I am in Christ, but MS takes up a great portion of my life and that cannot be ignored. It wont let me ignore it. I am constantly readjusting my life to my physical body and symptoms. Sometimes it is very obvious that I'm "sick" and other times I actually "appear" pretty healthy. MS is a chronic degenerative disease that can effect unlimited parts of your body, depending upon where the damage is to your central nervous system. It usually progresses and gets worse over time. It takes a lot of faith and endurance to press on. Sometimes I just need an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. That is where this precious couple comes in...

I have these special friends that have gone the extra mile with me on this bumpy road for many years now. They have shown me endless love in action. We met at a home bible study quite a few years ago. This group consisted of amazing folks who over the years have become like family to me. They mean "Moore" to me than they will ever comprehend in this lifetime. They have stood the test of time and continue to do so. The "female side" of this couple is like a sister, friend, and mom all wrapped together in the most precious package. She is a spiritual GIANT in a little itty bitty body. Today she sent me some notes of encouragement in the mail (a very common occurrence). There were hand written notes all over the outside of the envelope as well, telling me how loved I am! This couple has been an ongoing blessing over the years. Often, when someone goes into the hospital or is in an accident, friends and family will step up and help out in many ways as needed. When you are chronically sick, it takes a special kind of friend that will be there for you over the very long haul, through thick and thin, good times and bad. When I am unable to go out and have to continually cancel plans because I'm unwell or when I call her in tears because I can't stop throwing up or I can't walk, she has been there to listen and to pray for me. I've been all over the MS spectrum and this couple has made themselves available to me any time of the day and any day of the week. The "male side" of this duo has driven from the east side of town all the way west to deliver books, prepared meals, barley salad & asparagus soup straight to my door. Who could ever imagine such kindness? The card she sent today sums it up well. We are literally "forever friends"!!!

I love you Moore!!!

Joy In God Is Eternal....

Psalm 28:7
New King James Version (NKJV)
7 The Lord is my strength and my shield;
My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped;
Therefore my heart greatly rejoices,
And with my song I will praise Him.

I saw the following line in a devotion this morning, "the joy of God is eternal". It got me thinking about this time of year and how my heart leaps for joy as I begin to feel even the slightest hint of fall in the air. It may be 89 degrees outside instead of 90 degrees, but if I feel even the slightest breeze touch my face, it's just enough to bring a feeling of joy to my heart. I have always loved the fall from the time I was a little girl. I love the rich colors of the fall. It's what I'm naturally drawn to. Warm colors such as deep rich browns, shades of orange and yellow. The beautiful colors of a bunch of Indian corn sum it up well. This time of year brings a smile to my face and makes me joyful. When the kids were small, I would bring home a mini pumpkin for each of the three kids from the grocery store as soon as they were available, in hopes that they too would get just as excited about the fall as I do. Every year, as far back as I can remember, I would buy and burn the Yankee candle called "Spiced Pumpkin". I love pumpkins. I love the way they look and how they come in so many different shapes and sizes. I love pumpkin flavor. In fact, I dreamt about pumpkin muffins last night since I haven't had one yet this year. I love pumpkin lattes, pumpkin bread and all the other pumpkin treats of the season.

BUT, by the time mid November rolls around, I can't even hear the word pumpkin without wanting to get sick. My point being is that the things that bring us so much joy now are simply "temporal". The feeling doesn't last. No matter how much we love and enjoy these things, they don't come anywhere near the eternal pure joy we experience from God. This joy we get from the Lord is not based on our circumstances. During the great storms in my life, I will sense the Lord blow through my spirit with His joy that cannot be duplicated by anything material here in this world. If you are a child of God (Galatians 3:26), not just His creation, you will spend eternity with Him which equates to eternal joy. I can't wait to be in heaven where there's no more tears, no more sorrow, no more pain and no more death (Rev 21:4-5). Now that thought truly makes my heart leap for joy!!!

Psalm 16:11
New King James Version (NKJV)
11 You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

God's Perfect Provision...

From Streams in the Desert:
"Some of us are troubled, wondering why the Holy Spirit doesn't fill us. The problem is that we have plenty coming in but we are not giving out to others. If you will give the blessing you have received, planning your life around greater service and being a blessing to those around you, then you will quickly find that the Holy Spirit is with you. He will bestow blessings to you for service, giving you all He can trust you to give away to others."

While reading the above devotion this morning, God laid it on my heart to bless a particular friend of mine. He even made the amount clear to me. My initial thought was, "Lord, You know how much I have spent on many unforeseen expenses lately, You surely don't mean for me to give now, do You?" Although I didn't completely dismiss the thought, I did stop thinking about it for the time being. I "conveniently" pushed the idea aside and went about my morning routine.

Yesterday, I was feeling a bit under the weather plus it was overcast and rainy outside so I never made it out of the house. Once I realized this, I went outside to retrieve yesterday's mail. I brought it inside and threw it down on the couch. As I began to sort through it, I noticed a treasure that was wedged in between a bunch of junk mail. It was an overpayment check from a hospital bill. It was the EXACT amount that the Lord had laid on my heart this morning to bless my friend with. I'm sharing this because God is so amazing and His provision is absolutely perfect. Not only did the Holy Spirit lay it on my heart to bless this special friend, He actually provided the blessing! Now that is an awesome God!!!

Genesis 22:14
English Standard Version (ESV)
14 So Abraham called the name of that place, “The Lord will provide”;[a] as it is said to this day, “On the mount of the Lord it shall be provided.”[b]

Put On Love....

Colossians 3:14
New King James Version (NKJV)
14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.

Yesterday was just another one of those aggravating days that my family has experienced lately and really no different than what many other families are experiencing also. I am in no way considering it strange as if these annoyances only happens to us. Lately, we have been having a lot of car issues. It is certainly to be expected considering the kids are driving older vehicles with no warranties. That's just life with older kids and old cars. The one thing that has brought much joy in the midst of our "motor vehicle chaos" has been seeing the love my children have for each other. Not many things in this life can bring the kind of joy that this Mom has experienced over the past few months. I have survived the days of "sibling rivalry" and have lived to see my children grow into young adults. The relationship between them as brother and sister has been heart warming to say the least. The two of them have been running like a well oiled machine (better than either one of their cars) lately. When my son's car broke down on a few different occasions, my daughter was right there to lend him her car. When my son needed a ride to school, a couple of hours earlier than she needed to be there, she not only picked him up and drove him to school, she delivered fresh baked cupcakes to him. I love my kids and I love seeing them love each other. There is no greater gift for a Mom. They have been there for each other during very difficult times over the years. I pray that this never ends and that they would always acknowledge what God has gifted them with, a Mom who loves them more than words can ever express and each other. One other major point that I must mention, are the faithful friends that they have had for SO many years. These wonderful friends have been there with them through thick and thin, good times and bad times. I love these kids as if they were my own too. Thank You Lord for the gift of wonderful, loving and beautiful children, both the ones I gave birth to and the ones from another Mother!

Psalm 127:3
New Living Translation (NLT)
3 Children are a gift from the Lord;
they are a reward from him.

His Sovereignty Is What I Rest In...

Psalm 139:1-6
New King James Version (NKJV)

139 O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.

If God knows everything in my life including every hair on my head (Luke 12:7), my thoughts before I think them and the words before they proceed from my mouth, then how can I not trust Him with absolutely everything that comes my way in this life? Last year while I was hospitalized with severe non-stop vertigo and vomiting, I shared a hospital room with an older woman that had an intestinal problem. They were treating her with a Solu-Medrol IV drip. That medication is typically the drug of choice for an MS relapse because it decreases inflammation. At the time, the doctors were treating me for what seemed to be a vestibular (ear) problem. In my heart at the time, I believed that I should have been given the same drug as my roommate. Knowing I have MS, it would have made sense to prescribe that same treatment for me. It had always been helpful in the past for me during bad relapses. It was never prescribed for me though. In fact, after about a week, they discharged me from the hospital because they were unable to do anything to relieve my symptoms. It took months of being tossed back and forth like a ping pong ball from the Neuro-Otologist to my MS Neurologist before it was more than evident based upon an additional set of MRI's, that I had lesions (demyelination) on my brain stem which were causing my symptoms. I have looked back multiple times and thought to myself, "if I had been given Solu-Medrol at that time while hospitalized, I may not have suffered the permanent damage to that part of my brain". The comfort I have in the midst of my situation is that this entire "fiasco" was not a surprise to God. He, in His perfect will, has allowed me to walk this path. It certainly is not the path I would have chosen for myself but I trust that God knows what is best for me. My "disability" has given me the "ability" to serve Him in a different capacity. I am able to spend more time with Him, pray for others and love Him all the more. I really do hate how I feel physically, I won't lie. BUT, I will be truthful and say, if I hadn't suffered in this life as I have and still do, how would I crave heaven the way I do now? I'm excited about my eternal future. This life is but a vapor (James 4:14). So, although I may feel like I want a "do-over" at times, I can be confident that God will work things all out for my good because I love Him! I will keep on persevering, looking forward into the big front windshield because it's a much better view than the rear view mirror.

Romans 8:28
New King James Version (NKJV)
28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.


Philippians 3:13
New King James Version (NKJV)
13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead,

"Barf"

2 Corinthians 5:17
New King James Version (NKJV)
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.


When I was in middle school, I was bullied verbally by a group of girls. The bullying continued into High School for a while as well. I was an awkward tween and teen that was plagued with bad acne and frizzy hair. I felt socially unacceptable due to my lack of social skills and my appearance. I remember walking or riding my bike to middle school , only to find that by the time I got there and looked in the bathroom mirror, I looked like a different person. The long tedious repertoire of primping in front of the mirror at home prior to going to school, which included blow drying my hair to straighten it and covering my acne by using products such as tinted Clearasil and thick foundation make-up, added up to nothing but frizzy hair and a bright orange line by my jaw and hairline by the time I arrived at school. The Florida humidity completely destroyed all the work I had done to my hair. I would have probably been better off if I had just rolled out of bed and went to school without doing a thing to "fix myself up". To make matters worse, there were a group of girls who called me "barf" every time they walked by me in the hallway. They not only called me "barf", they would make "heaving" noises and act as if they were throwing up. When I read the above verse this morning, it reminded me how back in 1996, when I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior, something very special happened inside of me that was above and beyond my salvation experience. I realized that I had become a new creation in Christ! I could finally be rid of that "ugly cocoon" that had been formed in my early years and continued to grow and fester into adulthood as I continued to believe what these girls had said about me over the years. I had finally come to realize that I was beautiful to God, both inside and out, because of what Jesus did for me. God sees me robed in Christ's righteousness. You may not have been called names while you were growing up, but one thing that we all have in common, is that we were all born into sin. There is none righteous, no, not one (Romans 3:10). We have all sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23) . There is a remedy for this dilemma though. His name is Jesus. When we surrender our life to Him and turn away from our sin, He begins a good work in us that doesn't end until He has completed it.

Philippians 1:6
New King James Version (NKJV)
6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;

I am grateful to God for saving me, loving me and changing me. The cruel words were heartbreaking to me at the time, but I understand that kids are kids and that they say mean things sometimes. That certainly hasn't changed from "back in the day" when I was bullied. I have forgiven the girls that did this to me. We have all done and said things that we are now ashamed of, but Jesus' forgiveness is complete. There is nothing as freeing as being forgiven by God and in turn forgiving others. He is the Only One who can heal our broken hearts....

Psalm 147:3
New King James Version (NKJV)
3 He heals the brokenhearted
And binds up their wounds.

“Leave the broken, irreversible past in God’s hands, and step out into the invincible future with Him.” ~ Oswald Chambers

The Body of Christ...My Family

Jeremiah 31:25
New King James Version (NKJV)
25 For I have satiated the weary soul, and I have replenished every sorrowful soul.”

The past few days have been pretty bad on the "dizziness richter scale". I wish I could wear a number on myself that would reflect how intense my dizziness is at any given moment. This way my family and friends would be able to see the degree of my dizziness without me having to say a word or sound like I'm complaining. I would use the 1-10 scale, # 1 being, "I'm ready to dance" and the # 10 being "just take me out back and shoot me". On my really bad dizzy days, the wisest thing I can do to settle my "snowglobe" head is "a whole bunch of NOTHING". Movement aggravates my dizziness and it makes things a lot worse. For the last few days, I have pretty much sat on the couch and looked around at all the undone projects that I have wanted to finish. My dizziness never goes away completely, it waxes and wanes. Sometimes it is mild enough where I will go out for a cup of coffee with a friend or a little trip to Publix with Kenny, but for the most part, I have been extremely limited in my outings. I believe that most people in my position would be very disheartened. I attribute my ability to carry on and persevere through my chronic dizziness because of my relationship with God. To be perfectly honest, I get very down at times but when I do, I draw near to the Lord and He draws near to me, as He has promised. I do have great moments of refreshment. These moments are enough to sustain me. Yesterday, I was feeling very down. I actually joked with Kenny when he offered to get me my pillow while I was on the couch. As he stood over me, pillow in hand, he asked where he should place it. I said "how 'bout over my head and then push really hard!". I was joking (bad joke, I know) but the reality is, that being away from my body actually did sound very appealing to me for the moment. I have endured chronic dizziness for quite a while now. It isn't easy, it isn't fun and it doesn't make life pleasant for the ones around me either. There is nothing I can take to relieve my dizziness. It's not like a headache where popping some Advil or Excedrin might help. I begged and pleaded with the Lord in the past to remove it from me, but like Paul, His response to me was "my grace is sufficient for you...". It really is. I get through each day and more often than not, I have found joy in my days and my life. Yesterday, after my big trip to the mailbox, I was delighted to find a package addressed to me. I was so excited to open this package. It may as well have been from God Himself. I needed something and I didn't know what. It was from a brother from church. I opened the package and it was a beautiful little devotional book for women. It had a note of encouragement hand written inside, probably with an "over the top" incredible pen (inside joke). It made my day. Over the past year or so, the Lord has moved many of his people to send me cards, notes, texts, calls, books, and the list goes on and on and on..... The amazing part is the timing of each and every single encouragement that I have received. It is always EXACTLY what I need when I needed it. God is amazing and I love His people, the body of Christ. My brothers and sisters who show His love in their actions. God using His people to be His arms to give me a much needed hug from Himself. If the Lord so prompts you to do a little something for someone today, please follow through with it. Even a little message or note in someone's Facebook inbox could brighten someone's day. Your obedience could mean the world to a hurting soul...

Proverbs 11:25
New King James Version (NKJV)
25 The generous soul will be made rich,
And he who waters will also be watered himself.

Who can supply ALL my needs?

Philippians 4:19
New King James Version (NKJV)
19 And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Just like everyone else, I have been a witness to the division of our country in a way in which I have never quite experienced before. It may be partially due to social media. We are now able to view everyone's opinions regularly as we scroll through our "news feeds" or tweets. We as a people, are looking to find a leader who will "meet all of our needs". The bottom line is that there is only One Person who can meet our every need, and He is Jesus. That's not to say that I don't have a responsibility as a citizen of my country to cast my vote based upon the things that I value, such as the sanctity of life and marriage. We as a people have a way of placing our trust in the "things" that make us feel more "secure". Things such as our finances, our jobs, our relationships, our health, our beauty, our freedom, our possessions....the list goes on and on. All of these things can be removed in the twinkling of an eye. We can lose our health overnight, our job, our money, our beauty, a relationship, our freedom.... What will be left of us at that point? If any of these things were to be removed from your life today, who would you turn to? What would be left of you? My hope is in Jesus Christ. He is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). He is my portion. He is ALL that I need.

Lamentations 3:24
New King James Version (NKJV)
24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I hope in Him!”

In a world where we base who we are by what we do for a living and how much money we have in our bank accounts, it is sad to see that so many people believe that a political candidate is going to be able to change their lives and maybe even "who they are". Only a relationship with Jesus Christ can change "who you are" AND your eternal destiny. If you have Him, you have EVERYTHING. If you don't have Him, you don't have ANYTHING. What good is it if you have gained the whole world but have lost your soul? (Mark 8:36). We need to stop chasing after the wind people! Seek the Lord while there is still time to do so. In the end, He is ALL you need.

Isaiah 55:6
New King James Version (NKJV)
6 Seek the Lord while He may be found,
Call upon Him while He is near.

Knit together in love...

Isaiah 40:29
New King James Version (NKJV)
29 He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.

No matter how weary or weak we may feel, God still uses us. I have been getting mad at my dog Max for waking me up every night lately, but then I realized today that the Lord is just using him as a tool to wake me up to pray for my family and friends in the middle of the night. There have been some very specific prayer requests that I have been lifting up to the Lord for my family and my friends in the body of Christ. I don't like being woken up in the middle of the night like most people. The main reason is because of my vertigo. I have had to sleep on my left side for quite a few years now and am unable to roll over on to my back or to my right side without feeling extremely ill and nauseated. Waking up in the middle of the night is uncomfortable for me and it's extremely difficult for me to get back to sleep, as I also have a lot of pain in the night. BUT, if the Lord wakes me up, I consider it a prompt for me to pray. There is no better time than while I'm letting dogs outside in the middle of the night and then trying to get back to sleep. I have a burden to remember who I am specifically praying for. Although I keep an ongoing prayer list, I don't look at it in the middle of the night. I pray as the Lord places people on my heart. I love to think about how we are all connected as one body in Christ. We are knit together in love. When one rejoices, we rejoice. When another is weeping, we weep right along side with him or her (Romans 12:15). There is such comfort in knowing that someone is praying for you. There have been numerous occasions when I would tell Kenny that I could sense that someone was praying for me because I would have a moment of relief from my symptoms or a sense of peace that would just come over me. One time in particular, as I was sitting on the couch and gazing out the front window, I saw two butterflies pass by in a pair. They brought to mind a specific couple from our church that had recently paid a visit and delivered a meal to our home. Moments later I received a text from that particular sister in the Lord and she told me that she was praying for me. If I hadn't journaled that experience, I may never have thought of it again. That is why I attempt to journal every day. It helps remind me of all the great and glorious things God has done over the years. It also reminds me of His faithfulness. When I go back and read some of my old entries, I am blown away at how God has moved in my life and the life of my family and friends. I love my family in Christ and that's a very good thing because we have a very long future together ahead of us!!! I have been and will continue to pray for some very specific requests today. I'm so grateful for what the Lord will do in and through us, His praying children. No matter how dire our own situation may be, God continues to use us, as long as we are willing to be used. We all have a place in the body of Christ...that brings me great comfort.


Romans 12:5
New King James Version (NKJV)
5 so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another.

Ephesians 4:16
New King James Version (NKJV)
16 from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.

His Will Be Done...My First Lesson In Trusting God

Luke 22:42
New King James Version (NKJV)
42 saying, “Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done.”

After Kenny and I first got married back in 1999, we were both "new believers" at the time. Shortly after our wedding, Kenny made an appointment to go and see his dermatologist and have some moles looked at, one of which was getting larger and very black in color. I had just started working a new "day job" where I had been promoted from a leasing consultant to an assistant manager of a rental community. My days of working long nights as a waitress/bartender had finally come to an end. We were working together as a couple now to have a more structured and "normal" life. Our goal was to work hours that would be more conducive to spending time together as a married couple and with our children. Life was good. While at work one afternoon, I received a call from Kenny. The biopsy had come back and it was clearly melanoma. He would be having an excision to remove it. There was a man living at the property where I was working at the time, who had melanoma that had spread throughout his body and he was now terminal. This is what I knew of melanoma and it left me feeling panic stricken.

During the excision, a nurse came into the waiting area where I sat to ask if I would like to go back and be with my husband. I did. When I walked into the room I was dumbfounded. What I thought was a simple "mole removal" was actually a very deep excision that was large, gaping, deep and the shape of a football. It took many stitches to sew his leg back together. It wasn't what I expected to see. The melanoma was a level 3 if my memory serves me correctly. The scar as it began to heal, looked like he had been attacked by a shark. The area was extremely concave from all the tissue that was removed. It made me sick to look at it.

This was the very first time in my walk with God that I remember praying for "His will" to be done, not mine. I remember after the excision, being outside pacing around our pool in the backyard and praying fervently. I also remember "letting go" of my husband and placing him in the care of my Heavenly Father. It took bravery and courage on my part to do so because I wanted "my will" for my husband to be done. God's will could have been to take his life at a young age. Obviously, God's will was for him to survive melanoma. He is still alive and kicking today. This was the first of many prayers where I have prayed for God's will to be done, not mine. They don't always turn out how "I want" or how "I expect" but, I have learned to trust God in every aspect of my life because of His faithfulness. I have prayed for His will to be done with many other aspects of my life over the years, including my Multiple Sclerosis. He hasn't removed MS from my life but I continue to trust His plan for me and I know that He has used this disease to help me gain compassion for others. It has also given me the ability to comfort others with the same comfort He has given me. His will is where I want to be. He knows what's best, I believe that wholeheartedly...He is God. Nothing can thwart His plans.

Job 42:2
New King James Version (NKJV)
2 “I know that You can do everything,
And that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.


2 Corinthians 1:3-4
New King James Version (NKJV)
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

Joy Comes In The Morning...

Psalm 30:5
New King James Version (NKJV)
5 For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for life;
Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.

This verse is on my heart today. Yesterday I was "out of sorts" thinking about some of my most recent trials, and lately, they have been many. Some days feel very dark and dreary. On days like that, I draw near to my Savior through His Word. I could just feel God's Holy Spirit leading me to get comfortable, slow down, and come spend some time with Him. I did and I'm glad. He never disappoints me. This morning when I woke up and I let the dogs out, the sun was peaking through the clouds and I had a fresh feeling of joy sweep over me. A new perspective. My sadness was easing and I could feel the joy seeping into my spirit once again. Going from feeling "low and sad" to" joy and peace" literally overnight is a taste of what our great God can do. That's not to say that my "problems" went away overnight but how I see them has changed. Sometimes in life we experience wave after wave of trials that seem endless. They just keep rolling in and crashing on us. I felt like that yesterday, very overwhelmed with my circumstances. Today I feel more peace. Physically, I feel my usual yucky "dizzy thing" but a sick spirit is worse than a sick body in my opinion. When I am seeking the Lord and drawing near to Him, He draws near to me. There is no one here on earth that could ever fill that void in my life but God. My daughter Amanda, sensing my turmoil, came home yesterday with some beautiful bright flowers and a bag of Tootsie Pops. Simple yet so lovely! A glimpse of God's glory in the midst of my sadness. He uses ordinary means for supernatural purposes. Only Jesus can turn my weeping into joy overnight. I'm grateful and thankful for a God that is real, alive and active in my life. I will sing praises to my God once again. He is faithful and never disappoints me!

I'm so tired today...

Considering I have had MS for over ten years now, I have to say that I've been blessed by not being completely fatigued on a regular basis like so many other people I know with this disease. My energy level is normally pretty good for someone with MS. Today, I can't say that, in fact, the last few days I have been waking up in the morning feeling very tired and sleepy. I have been remaining tired all day long too. Quite often, a relapse will begin by manifesting itself in me with extreme fatigue. I did take a nap today already for about an hour. I forced myself to get back up but I really wanted to go back to sleep again. I try to fight it, but I need God's help. I forget what this weight of tiredness feels like, until it hits me all over again. It's like going for a swim in the pool fully dressed, jeans and all. It's a feeling of heaviness that overwhelms me. I am too tired to read or even think. No, it's not the end of the world by any means to be fatigued, but there is stuff I would like to get done today...maybe later or tomorrow.

In my weakness I turn to the Lord Who says that His power is made perfect in weakness. I'm banking on that promise today. Thank You Lord for Your sufficient grace. It sustains me when I don't feel like I can sustain myself...

2 Corinthians 12:9
New King James Version (NKJV)
9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

My Tire Went Flat...

Hebrews 12:1
New King James Version (NKJV)
12 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

Sometimes I forget I'm "running" a race. I get caught up in trying to "sprint" in my mind and I get carried away on unnecessary tangents. One thought can lead me down a dark road and fear can easily slip in as my faith seeps out through a slow leak like a tire, leaving me "flat". How does that happen? One moment everything is looking beautiful and lovely and then something happens and it feels like the end of the world. Does that happen to you? The above verse mentions "the sin that so easily ensnares us". Lately, I know in my life, it tends to be the same thing tripping me up regularly in my walk with God. I am a terrible listener! Why is it so difficult for me to just be quiet and listen? This is not only a problem for me, it is trickling down to my flock. Yes, my daughter is EXACTLY like me!!! No wonder we get on each other's last nerve at times! We have the same issue! Two people not listening to each other equals NO ONE truly hearing ANYTHING which equals CHAOS. While reading my bible this morning, I was convicted once again by the following verse;

James 1:19
New King James Version (NKJV)
19 So then,[a] my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;

I have been unable to master the art of listening. I interrupt. I have quite often used the excuse that it's "genetic" because it seems to run in my family. I come from a very fine line of interrupters. I don't want to continue making excuses for myself. I want this behavior to change. Today, I am asking the Lord to help me stop and listen before I open my mouth. I'm asking for His help. If you are a praying person, please lift me up in your prayers. I want to deal head on with this issue. The Lord has a way of peeling back those yucky, ugly layers of the old self as a reminder of how much I need Him for everything. I know that He isn't done with me yet because I woke up today. He will continue to do a work in me until He calls me home. I'm so grateful that He doesn't condemn me and that He is able to deliver me from my ways and mold me to be more like Jesus. As far as that slow leak is concerned, I'm grateful that when I open my bible, He fills me back up again and my "tire" is no longer flat. His mercies are new every morning, that's a very good thing because I need fresh mercy today! Thank You Jesus for Your continued work in me!


John 15:5
New King James Version (NKJV)
5 “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.

Philippians 1:6
New King James Version (NKJV)
6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;

Lamentations 3:22-23
New King James Version (NKJV)
22 Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
23 They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.

Look Up and Live!!!

1 John 5:3
New King James Version (NKJV)
3 For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome.

Kenny has always mentioned a line that his Mom would say at times while he was growing up. I use this saying regularly when I see people walking through a crowded parking lot and not paying attention to where they are going or to the motor vehicles they are walking in front of. I will say to myself, as I watch them, "Look up and live!!!!". It makes perfect sense that walking in front of a moving vehicle is dangerous. Many people are walking in danger without God every day. The above verse says keeping the Lord's commandments is not burdensome. If we do what is right such as look where we are going while walking through a parking lot, chances are better that we won't get hit or even killed.

I can't help but think that there are MANY people, including a lot of young adults I know, that think it is burdensome to keep the Lord's commandments. When we stray and sin, which we are ALL prone to do, we separate ourselves from God. That feels "yucky". The consequences of our sin, depending on our choices, can often lead to depression, anxiety or even death depending upon our actions. Many people are confused about christianity. They think to themselves, "someday when I'm settled down, older, maybe married with children" that will be when I "clean up my act". Then BOOM!!! Calamity strikes. Who is it that one turns to in their deepest and darkest moments? If most people were completely honest with themselves, even if they deny God most of the time, He is the One we cry out to during calamity and traumatic events. If we just take a good look around at the beauty of His handiwork, whether it be the grass, flowers, sun, moon or even our beloved pets, we can see His glory in His handiwork. We can't deny His existence.

Psalm 19:1 states in (NKJV) 19 The heavens declare the glory of God;
And the firmament shows His handiwork.

He is the Creator of the Universe and He wants a relationship with us! Doesn't that just blow your mind? BUT it's even better than that, He is the One Who does the "cleaning up" Himself. Those vices that we think we need to "try and stop doing" before we come to Jesus are the exact vices that HE IS ABLE TO DELIVER US FROM!!!! Many people don't realize how freeing it is when God is not only Your Savior but your friend (John 15:15). As I sit here blogging, an urgent AP has come across my phone. "Breaking (9:29AM EDT) NYC fire officials say several people have been shot outside Empire State Building". Literally, this information just came to me while I'm writing. What are you waiting for? If you feel God tugging at your heart and you can feel a struggle going on inside. That feeling comes from a very real struggle going on in the spiritual realm for your soul. You have an enemy who wants you to live in bondage. We don't know what the next moment in our lives may bring. Yield to the voice of the Lord who may be knocking on the door of your heart. Yield to Him now and begin to find true love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness & faithfulness. These fruit are the byproducts of His presence living in You. All you need to do is surrender your life to Jesus, "LOOK UP AND LIVE!!!!!"

John 3:14-15
New King James Version (NKJV)
14 And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up, 15 that whoever believes in Him should not perish but[a] have eternal life.

Gram

I have a smile on my face just thinking about my Gram today. She passed away three years ago. Today is her birthday and she would have been 98 years old. She was the source of "unconditional" love and it had a tremendous effect on my life. My Gram holds such a special place in my heart and that will never change. No one could ever have replaced her. She was the BEST Gram anyone could have. In my eyes she was the perfect Grandma. She was the kind of woman that everyone loved being around. She had the gift of making everyone she came in contact with feel as if they were the most important and special person she had ever met. I like to think that I was her favorite, but I'm sure there were others who felt the same way. Her name was Rose. I gave the name Rose to my daughter Amanda as her middle name. Considering I grew up in a Jewish home, I decided to name Amanda after my Gram even though as a Jew, you aren't supposed to name your children after someone who is still living. I couldn't resist. I had to carry her name on through my daughter. Even though I wasn't a believer in Jesus at that time, I wasn't superstitious.

No one seemed to understand me quite like my Gram. We had a very special bond. She poured out her love in so many meaningful ways. When I was a little girl, she would sing a song that she had made up, it went like this: "Mi-chele is a good little girl, Grand-ma loves her ve-ry much, Mi-chele is a gooooooood little girllllllll and Grand-ma loves her VE-RY MUCH!!!! I wish you could hear the tune. I felt so loved and special as she would sing this song to me while tucking me in during sleepovers at her house. Yes, she did substitute my sister's name and I'm sure my two male cousin's names into the same song, but I'm sure I was her favorite. ;)

In the morning, Gram would make breakfast for me and my sister. No "pouring your own bowl of cereal" at Gram's house. We had a choice and she enjoyed serving us. We could have Wheatena, scrambled eggs with cheese, cantaloupe with cottage cheese or my favorite, pancakes made with Bisquick. I could literally taste the love in the mixed ingredients.

In the afternoon, Gram would take me and my sister for a ride to Worden's World of Arts and Crafts or Pearl. We would look for craft supplies and then go back to her house and make things. One of my fondest memories was making an orange notepad holder in the shape of a cat. It was made from poster board and orange felt. Gram also taught me how to crochet, which I still do at times, especially while I'm stuck on the couch. It reminds me of her. It brings me joy.

Gram LOVED music. She would always be humming, singing or playing music for my sister and me. We loved the sights, sounds, smells and the love we felt being around her. Her house was a refuge filled with love and singing. We were so incredibly loved!

At night, my sister and I would snuggle up between my Gram and Gramp in their comfy bed and yummy soft sheets that never matched but smelled good. She had a "wedge" pillow that helped us to sit upright in bed so we could watch episodes of Jackie Gleason with them. I loved hearing my Gram & Gramp laugh while watching the tv show.

Gram never forgot the "cute" things that we would say as kids. Still to this day, my sister and I will say some of Gram's all time favorite lines such as, "we're sisters you know" or "a promise is a promise and you always keep it!". She also saved literally every note, card, poem or trinket we ever made and presented to her. She cherished and treasured everything about us.

During the last couple years of her life, as she was nearing the end, I would tell her about Jesus. She prayed with me within the two weeks of her passing. She also told me a few days before she passed away that her Dad, my Great Grandfather, who we affectionately called Papa, had told her about this "Jesus". The day she passed away, I sat on her bed and spoke to her all the things on my heart. We had some very precious time together that I will never forget. Although I wasn't sure if she could still hear me, I held her hand and spoke to her. I told her everything that I felt I needed to say to her. I played "Awesome God" by Michael W. Smith for her on my i -phone and I could feel a squeeze from her hand in response to the song. After I had said everything I wanted to say and I felt satisfied that she heard everything, I once again reminded her how much I loved her. I kissed her face and I said, "I'll see you later Gram!" and then proceeded to walk out of the room. The hospice nurse had stepped outside into the hallway. I said goodbye to her as well. On my way driving home, my cell phone rang. It was my sister calling to tell me that Gram had passed away. I said, "but I just left her....".

Upon returning to her deathbed. The hospice nurse turned to me and said, "God is with you, I heard you talking to your Grandmother and playing music for her, as soon as you said goodbye to her and left, I came back into the room and your Grandma took her last breath. There was no struggling, just a last breath and then there was peace." I cling to God's faithfulness. I long to see my precious Gram again....

Philippians 1:3
New King James Version (NKJV)

3 I thank my God upon every remembrance of you,

The "Caretaker"

Colossians 3:23-24
New King James Version (NKJV)
23 And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for[a] you serve the Lord Christ.

What has been heavy on my heart today is the way the Lord has so specifically called us to be exactly where we are in our lives and how He meets us no matter what the circumstances are. He has a plan and purpose for everything we go through including sickness. He is in control even when we feel like our lives are spiraling out of control at a very fast pace. Last year, as I sat on the couch spinning due to severe vertigo, nausea, vomiting and being completely incapacitated, my husband had to pick up and be "my body" for me. It was one of the many difficult trials I have faced over the years, not just being sick, but feeling so helpless and burdensome. I had no choice but to watch my husband work all day and then cook dinner, clean the house, tend to the dogs, interact with the kids, and continue to care for all of my physical, spiritual and emotional needs. I literally couldn't move. If I was able to eat anything, he had to prepare it and serve me. If I had to use the bathroom, he had to help me. If I needed a shower, he needed to assist me. When I needed to see a doctor, he took me. The list could go on and on about the endless ways he served and cared for me (and still does) during those very difficult months BUT, who got all the flowers, greeting cards and sympathy? NOT HIM!!! I did. He selflessly served me, his wife, in a very sacrificial way and I know what and Who drove him to do so, it was Jesus. Kenny knows that when he serves me, he is actually serving the Lord. It was and is very honorable for him to serve me in that capacity and I respect him for that, but in all honesty, the Lord EXPECTS that from ALL of us. Kenny says that he was "only doing what he should be doing" but I never seemed to agree with him because I felt guilty needing so much help and care. He would say, "I know you would do the same for me". That is the truth, I would. It gives me pleasure to serve my husband. I know I need to make some improvements but we are ALL a work in progress. The reason why I'm writing about this is because there are countless loved ones out there, who are serving their spouses, day in and day out, with no recognition. I don't want to take away any rewards in heaven for these selfless people, but I do want to recognize and thank ALL of the so-called "caretakers" out there who are serving their spouse with all their heart and soul. They are pouring into their spouse much of the love they receive from Christ Himself. It isn't easy being "the sick one" but it sure isn't easy being "the one caring for the sick one" either. In fact, I personally believe it is MORE difficult for the caretaker. They are not ONLY caring for the needs of their spouse but many are continuing to be the main "bread winner" of the family as well. I have no idea what the statistics are for marriages that end in divorce due to the onset of a severe chronic illness, but I'm sure it is very high. When we get married, we make a vow to love one another in sickness and in health. How many people stand at the alter and think, "I may be diagnosed next year with MS or cancer"? When we are in love and courting, no one thinks, "I could be in a wheelchair next year". The truth of the matter is, that as husband and wife, we are committed to serving each other. One beautiful example that the Lord Jesus Himself gave us in reference to serving each other is when He washed the feet of His disciples at the Passover dinner. Imagine that, God Almighty washing the dirty, stinky feet of these men and this included the feet of His betrayer, Judas. How much more should we humble ourselves to serve each other, especially our spouses...

John 13:1-5
New King James Version (NKJV)

13 Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that His hour had come that He should depart from this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.

2 And supper being ended,[a] the devil having already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray Him, 3 Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going to God, 4 rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself. 5 After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded.