Squeaky wheels...

Exodus 14:14

New King James Version (NKJV)

14 The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.”

It seems to me that a minority of people are using the "squeaky wheel" idiom to perpetuate their political agendas. If a minority squeaks loud enough about an issue, even if it's contrary to what God proclaims in His Word, it will override what the majority believes, or so it seems. The problem or maybe the solution, depending how you look at it, is that when God is involved in an issue, it doesn't matter how many people follow along. He doesn't need us to accomplish His will but He graciously allows us to actively participate in it.  God can use one man to bring change to the world. He did that in Jesus, our Messiah and He can do it in and through His children.  Many "so-called" Christians are allowing the things of this world to permeate into who they are and what they believe. If Christ is living in us through the Holy Spirit, we cannot be submitting to what the world sees as right and wrong and becoming stained and blemished ourselves. 

As Christians, our moral barometer can only come from one source, The Word of God. Anything that is contrary to that is false and untrue. We need to pray for wisdom and boldness, and we need to deliver the truth in love, not the easiest task in the midst of a corrupt society, but definitely possible with God's help. We need a revival in this country of ours. We need to proclaim the Lord Jesus and the gift of salvation offered to anyone who will believe before it's too late. I pray that we as believers would not allow our society's moral condition make us feel defeated because The Lord has promised to fight our battles for us! He is coming back, He promised...

Revelation 22:7

New King James Version (NKJV)

7 “Behold, I am coming quickly! Blessed is he who keeps the words of the prophecy of this book.”

I chose life...

Today is the day I want to tell my personal story of my second pregnancy...

While I was pregnant with my second child, I had all the normal prenatal care. When it was time for the routine AFP test (alpha-fetoprotein) I had to hold my breath after having a slightly abnormal result with my first pregnancy. My son Matt was born perfectly healthy after being frightened terribly throughout my pregnancy that something could be wrong with him. The same AFP test came back abnormal with my second pregnancy as well, but being that I had already experienced this, I didn't panic. A little further into my second pregnancy, as I was having an ultrasound, it was brought to my attention that there were "choroid plexus cysts" found on my baby's brain. This is where the real stress began and was magnified over the course of my pregnancy. It was explained to me by my OB/GYN doctor that the combination of the abnormal AFP test and the choroid plexus cysts on the baby's brain were quite indicative of a trisomy disorder known as Trisomy 18. At this point it was highly recommended that I have an amniocentesis to confirm. In panic mode, I made arrangements to have this test done as soon as possible. At my appointment, I signed paperwork indicating that the procedure carried many risks, one of which was the risk of having a miscarriage. I signed the paperwork. Then they began cleaning my pregnant belly with an antiseptic solution. It was at that very moment, I changed my mind. I just couldn't get myself to risk having a miscarriage. I loved my baby already. I got up off the table and told them that I had changed my mind. I left the amniocentesis facility and decided that I would deal with whatever happens. If my baby was born only to die shortly after birth, I would deal with it the best I could. After that day, I cried many tears not knowing what the future would hold. I also suffered extreme anxiety on top of the never ending morning sickness that lasted throughout my entire pregnancy.

My OB/GYN, who happened to be a woman, was horrified that I didn't follow through with the amniocentesis. She told me that it would make sense for me to consider terminating my pregnancy. She also suggested that I take a trip to one of the local "homes" where special needs children were living, so I could get a "taste" of what I could be in for. Looking back and knowing how young I was and how I didn't know The Lord, I am so grateful that I didn't allow the doctors use of intimidation to sway my decision to follow through with my pregnancy and to give birth to my child regardless of the consequences.

Well, the day finally arrived and it was time to give birth. My baby was born on June 18, 1992. She was over 9 pounds and as soon as she was born, they whisked her away to the NICU to check to see if she was healthy. They brought specialists in who made some observations about the lines on the palms of her hands and the scare of something being "wrong" with her continued to linger even after her birth.

Eventually, it was determined that she did not have a trisomy disorder and that she was healthy enough to go home. Although she had some issues in her infancy, such as a hemangioma that developed on her back at about 2 months old and an unusual birthmark on her face and neck , she was a perfectly healthy baby girl. This baby girl is now 20 years old and I am so grateful that I chose life, even when I didn't know God and was basically being bullied as a young Mom into "terminating my pregnancy" (murdering my baby) because she may have had a trisomy disorder.

No, I do not know what it would have been like to actually have had a baby girl with Trisomy 18, but I realized that God would have been there for me no matter what the circumstances would have been.

What triggered my blog today was a post on Facebook that I saw from Rick Santorum stating that his precious daughter Bella (she has Trisomy 18) has turned 5 years old today!

I am so thankful that in my young, naive and maybe even ignorant thinking back then, I was able to make the only right decision which was to give birth to my child no matter what the cost. Life is always worth it...I love you Amanda Rose Geyser!!!

Psalm 127:3
New King James Version (NKJV)
3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.

Not so precious in God's sight last night...

1 Peter 3:3-4
New King James Version (NKJV)
3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

Last night I had a meltdown. I don't know what else to call it. I have been feeling very trapped in my body as of late and my negative thinking triggered an ugly situation. Making plans to do anything or to go anywhere puts a heavy burden on me. It's difficult to make plans when you never feel well.

Over the last few years I have been known to go through seasons of severe hair loss. Actual shedding. As a woman, it is horrifying. It has been really bad at times but has been known to improve over time just to start all over again. Well, it started again recently. I'm currently in the "I'm gonna be bald soon" panic mode which isn't pleasant for those close to me. If you have ever lost massive amounts of hair whether male or female, it's rather shocking and very disturbing. One of the first times that this happened I actually screamed out to Kenny from the shower as hair just slid down my body and onto the shower floor. The sensation is like pulling cotton candy off the stick but it's not cotton candy, it's my hair. 

My limitations plus my most recent bout of hair loss put me in a foul mood last night. I verbally threw up all over my husband for no good reason. Spurting everything on my mind and shooting my mouth off like venom-filled daggers to his kind heart. The verse that caught my eye and smacked me upside the head first thing this morning was,

James 1:19
New King James Version (NKJV)
Qualities Needed in Trials

19 So then,[a] my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;

I left the title of this area of scripture above. Notice it says,"qualities needed in trials". I actually posted this verse on Facebook recently too! A word of advice from me. Take a deep breath, pray and ask The Lord to control your tongue. If you don't, you may look extremely foolish and need to ask for forgiveness if you blow it like I did. Once again, I'm thankful for the unlimited amount of grace and forgiveness showered on me by God and my wonderful husband...

Proverbs 29:11

New King James Version (NKJV)

11 A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back.

Let Him guide your paths..

Proverbs 3:5-6
New King James Version (NKJV)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct[a] your paths.

As someone with MS, I find that there seems to be a bit of a war amongst others with the same disease and that saddens me greatly. I read a couple of things on-line last night and this morning that I find to be so disturbing. Due to the fact that there is a specific doctor with Multiple Sclerosis, who wrote a book about eating a certain diet, there seem to be many arguments going on within the MS community as to how to treat the disease. There is so much division going on between those who choose to take disease modifying drugs vs. those who choose to use only food and supplements as medicine (yes, there are those who use both). People with diseases such as cancer don't seem to be berated quite as much, although I know that some are, for their decision to use harsh drugs such as chemotherapy to help them survive. The choice to take strong medications is not an easy one to make, but it has to be an individual's decision based on numerous factors.

I personally believe that eating the proper diet, especially foods that decrease inflammation is common sense. It certainly won't hurt anyone and may even improve your quality of life to a certain degree but eating a certain diet does not CURE the disease. In a disease such as MS, just one tiny lesion or demyelination in the "wrong place", such as your brain stem, can set off a time bomb that can disable you for life.
I know of a woman in particular who has done extremely well decreasing her exacerbations of MS through changing her diet. She is currently having a bad relapse and is asking people on social media what she should do next as far as taking meds or not. She has chosen to invite all kinds of opinions that are only going to confuse and torment her. Some people had the nerve to tell her whether or not she should take medication. Who are these people that you are asking for medical advice? I know personally when symptoms are minimal, it is easy to say "NO DRUGS" but when half of your body goes completely numb, the story has a tendency to change quickly. This disease can be extremely frightening, I will be the first to admit that, but If I choose to go to a doctor and opt for conventional medicine, it is up to me to either listen to what my doctor believes is best for my particular situation or why bother seeking medical attention at all? That is not to say I can't question my physician's advice or seek another opinion.

Another situation I read about today involved a niece who mentioned on social media that her dear aunt just passed away due to MS. She was saying that other people, including family members, were accusing the deceased woman of not fighting the disease hard enough. Are you kidding me? Every moment of my life is a struggle with MS and to think that someone could possibly accuse me of not fighting my MS hard enough just infuriates me. To top it off, the young niece has MS herself and is being subjected to those terrible accusations about her aunt. How sad.

I don't normally use this blog to go off on tangents but my heart is very heavy for those suffering with MS and other diseases that have to deal with other people's judgments and opinions on top of an already miserable situation.

When I make decisions about my treatments they are prayerful but not perfect. I have made choices about not taking a medication and feel that I suffered consequences due to that decision. I have also made decisions to take medications that have made me sicker. There is no perfect solution but there is a holy and perfect God. He is there for me no matter what decisions I make. His grace and mercy are available to cover ALL of my decisions, both the good ones AND the not so good ones. I choose to rest in that...

Never Forsaken...

Mark 15:34
New King James Version (NKJV)
34 And at the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice, saying, “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?” which is translated, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?”[a]

My nights are bad. I am stuck sleeping on my left side and I am unable to move from that position all night. It has been this way for about 5 years. Last week, I woke up in the middle of the night on my right side. Doesn't sound too traumatic does it? Well, I've been suffering ever since. Remember spinning around as a child outside while playing in the grass? You would spin in one direction and then spin in the opposite direction to balance yourself out. The sensation in my head is very difficult to describe. I'm off kilter. Unbalanced. I feel a pulling that makes me stumble. I am out of sorts. Normally, after a few days it will adjust but this time it's not. My legs and arms have been aching me terribly in the night. I just can't get comfortable as I sleep. It's a constant struggle to continually fall asleep throughout the night in the midst of such uncomfortable symptoms.

Then I wake up. I lay there wondering how I will make it through another day. I do an assessment of my pain, discomfort, dizziness....I feel defeated before I even sit up. This morning I asked Kenny, "how I will continue to do this?" He simply listened and put his hand on me lovingly.

I left the room and opened my bible randomly. I read the above verse and I was smacked back into reality. Jesus, hanging on the cross for ME! Feeling forsaken by His Father. Isn't that how I felt when I woke up? Forsaken by God. The truth is that I haven't been. It may feel that way at times but its not the truth. I am so glad that my Savior knows exactly what that feels like. How could we ever relate to Jesus unless He too felt forsaken? No matter what this life brings, I have many great promises to cling to! The best promise of all is that He will NEVER leave me or forsake me. Amen!

Hebrews 13:5
New King James Version (NKJV)
5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”[a]

Deuteronomy 31:6
New King James Version (NKJV)
6 Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”