My Stream in the Desert

Isaiah 43:18-19

New King James Version (NKJV)

18 “Do not remember the former things,

Nor consider the things of old.

19 Behold, I will do a new thing,

Now it shall spring forth;

Shall you not know it?

I will even make a road in the wilderness

And rivers in the desert.

This verse is speaking volumes to me today. I am in a desert. It may be a temporary relapse but I certainly feel parched in this dry land I am in. I am hurting, in physical pain and discomfort. I want to look back and remember feeling well but I know that I must keep moving forward. As I lay in bed and feel like my legs are heavy weights with magnets, it feels like a huge magnet is underneath my bed pulling and keeping me down. I fear that this disease is catching up with me and every day lately I wonder, will this be the last day that I walk? Not a far fetched question to ponder when you have lived with Multiple Sclerosis for over 11 years and little by little your brain and spinal cord are being eaten away at. When the wrong words come out of my mouth and I have to ask, "did I say that?", when I forget what I'm thinking in the middle of thinking, or forget what I'm saying in the middle of saying something, when my hands randomly drop something and it crashes to the floor, when I can't manage to move at all without increasing my dizziness, when my arms are tingling from folding warm laundry, when my back just aches and my strength is declining... I can't help but think that satan has asked whether he can sift me like wheat. I desire to cling to my Savior and remember the cross. He understands every single little twinge of pain and the deep feelings of being isolated. There isn't a single thing that my Lord doesn't understand about my personal situation. I am isolated in that many of my friends with MS cannot comprehend being dizzy 24/7. My dizzy friends with vestibular disorders can't comprehend having all of the MS symptoms on top of the dizziness. I call it my "combination platter". If I allow myself to feel like I have things worse than anyone one else, it puts me in a place where I could become bitter. May that never be. I turn to my Savior and ask Him to let His grace be sufficient for me this day. Let His empty tomb be a reminder that this will end well in due time. A new thing is happening. I don't know all the details but I trust what He has said to me today through His Word. He will make a road through my wilderness and a river or stream through my desert...God is good, all the time. 

In the cleft of the rock...

Exodus 33:22

New King James Version (NKJV)

22 So it shall be, while My glory passes by, that I will put you in the cleft of the rock, and will cover you with My hand while I pass by.

This is one of my favorite verses. I'm not sure why but I just love to picture this scene. Sometimes I feel like God has placed me in the cleft of the rock. I am hidden and isolated as the world goes by and the people around me are participating in everyday life. I am on the sideline, yet I have joy knowing that I am exactly where God wants me to be. He blesses me with just enough glimpses of His glory to confirm that I am where He wants me and in His will. I haven't blogged in quite a while and honestly, I haven't had the desire to. The past few days I have been flooded in my spirit with joy. I still feel physically awful and weak but my spirit is soaring for some strange reason. After saying goodbye to one of our friends who moved home to heaven, the sadness was overwhelming yet it has caused more anticipation about my final destination. To be present with The Lord! 

I saw a post on Facebook yesterday that said, "don't miss your ministry because of your misery". Something just clicked. Not that I didn't already know that The Lord would use my Multiple Sclerosis to minister to others, but my eyes were opened to something new. I realized that I have tried to work around my MS and even minimize it. It has taken over too much space in my central nervous system to hide or ignore anymore. It is taking over my physical body but, there are some things that MS cannot steal from me. It cannot steal my salvation, my hope, my eternal home. Things are going south in many ways healthwise but I will be making a complete u-turn when God calls me home. This life is not the end. The end we experience here, also known as death, will be the doorway to eternity. Heaven or hell forever. Praise God for sending Jesus to die for us...a sinful people. Placing your trust in Him for salvation, repenting of your sin and yielding to His Holy Spirit can save you from eternal damnation.  Although my circumstances are not great and I can be pretty sure that my health will continue to decline based upon the nature of the beast, I am still able to live with the confident hope of ridding myself of this "tent" and being free from sin, disease and death! What a splendid time it will be! Praise be to God!

2 Corinthians 5:1-5

New King James Version

5 For we know that if our earthly house,this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. 2 For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed with our habitation which is from heaven,3 if indeed, having been clothed, we shall not be found naked. 4 For we who are inthis tent groan, being burdened, not because we want to be unclothed, but further clothed, that mortality may be swallowed up by life. 5 Now He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who also has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.