His Sovereignty Is What I Rest In...

Psalm 139:1-6
New King James Version (NKJV)

139 O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.

If God knows everything in my life including every hair on my head (Luke 12:7), my thoughts before I think them and the words before they proceed from my mouth, then how can I not trust Him with absolutely everything that comes my way in this life? Last year while I was hospitalized with severe non-stop vertigo and vomiting, I shared a hospital room with an older woman that had an intestinal problem. They were treating her with a Solu-Medrol IV drip. That medication is typically the drug of choice for an MS relapse because it decreases inflammation. At the time, the doctors were treating me for what seemed to be a vestibular (ear) problem. In my heart at the time, I believed that I should have been given the same drug as my roommate. Knowing I have MS, it would have made sense to prescribe that same treatment for me. It had always been helpful in the past for me during bad relapses. It was never prescribed for me though. In fact, after about a week, they discharged me from the hospital because they were unable to do anything to relieve my symptoms. It took months of being tossed back and forth like a ping pong ball from the Neuro-Otologist to my MS Neurologist before it was more than evident based upon an additional set of MRI's, that I had lesions (demyelination) on my brain stem which were causing my symptoms. I have looked back multiple times and thought to myself, "if I had been given Solu-Medrol at that time while hospitalized, I may not have suffered the permanent damage to that part of my brain". The comfort I have in the midst of my situation is that this entire "fiasco" was not a surprise to God. He, in His perfect will, has allowed me to walk this path. It certainly is not the path I would have chosen for myself but I trust that God knows what is best for me. My "disability" has given me the "ability" to serve Him in a different capacity. I am able to spend more time with Him, pray for others and love Him all the more. I really do hate how I feel physically, I won't lie. BUT, I will be truthful and say, if I hadn't suffered in this life as I have and still do, how would I crave heaven the way I do now? I'm excited about my eternal future. This life is but a vapor (James 4:14). So, although I may feel like I want a "do-over" at times, I can be confident that God will work things all out for my good because I love Him! I will keep on persevering, looking forward into the big front windshield because it's a much better view than the rear view mirror.

Romans 8:28
New King James Version (NKJV)
28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.


Philippians 3:13
New King James Version (NKJV)
13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead,