The Roller Coaster Ride

Yesterday was a much better day. I woke up feeling well enough to go to church and I did. It was wonderful to see all my brothers and sisters in the Lord! It was good medicine for my soul and spirit. It was my first time back since my most recent MS relapse. After church, we enjoyed lunch & ice cream at the famous Jaxson's for Father's Day. The Miami HEAT game, on TV last night was the perfect ending to this delightful day. My good day yesterday has been followed by a "not so good" day today. The residual damage to my central nervous system is so draining on my physical body. My dizziness is in overdrive, my stomach is upset, my head hurts, I'm numb, and I'm fatigued.... I don't feel like doing anything. It can be very difficult living on the MS roller coaster. The highs are high and the lows are low. The only thing that never changes is Jesus. He is the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8). That is why I will choose to focus on Him today and every day. Lately, it has been very difficult for me to adjust to my new limitations. They have changed a lot this past year, and even more so in the past month. I've had two "major" relapses in one year and the residual deficits are slowing me down quite a bit. My mind is swimming with ideas of the many things that I want to accomplish today, but my body is screaming " NO!!!!". On Mondays, I like to do chores. I like to get enough done to allow myself to relax so I am able to read or write without looking around at all the things that "need" to get done. If a friend of mine told me that they felt like I do today, I would tell them that, "the stuff can wait and to rest until you feel better". Why do we say different things to ourselves than we would to a close friend? The trouble with MS is that it never ends. It continues to attack your brain and spinal cord in a way that I find myself unable to come up for a breath. It feels like it is suffocating the life out of me at times. That is why I choose to meditate on God being unchanging. He is my strength and my fortress. I'm not saying that when I meditate on God, that it changes my circumstances per say, but it certainly changes my attitude in the midst of them. I pray that anyone who is reading this and is in pain, hurting or feeling alone, would realize that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us ( Philippians 4:13) and that you are NOT alone. Keep your eyes focused on Him and I will do the same.


Psalm 59:16
English Standard Version (ESV)
16 But I will sing of your strength;
I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning.
For you have been to me a fortress
and a refuge in the day of my distress.