I did nothing...or maybe not.

Luke 10:41-42
New King James Version (NKJV)
41 And Jesus[a] answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. 42 But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her.”


Yesterday I did very little. I want to say that I did nothing but that would not be truthful. It just felt like I did nothing. On days that I feel bad physically, I spend more time with God. I noticed that since Kenny is working and I am not, I begin to feel guilty, like I'm not "doing enough". It is just a feeling, not necessarily truth. When I read in "Jesus Calling" yesterday, I underlined a few sentences that explained EXACTLY what I was feeling, "This duty is such a joyous privilege that it feels like a luxury. You tend to feel guilty about pushing back the boundaries of your life to make space for time alone with me". Those sentences hit the nail on the head. I have been feeling guilty when I don't "do enough" before spending time seeking God. Prior to leaving the work world, I had very limited time. I would wake up before the crack of dawn to squeeze some time in with God before my hectic day began. Now that my days are not as hectic because I'm not working, seeking God for long periods of time feels like a luxury to me. A guilty pleasure. Although I feel dizzy, nauseated and unwell most of the time, I feel "guilty" that I'm spending so much time with God. I realized that He has me where He has me for His purpose, not my own. In His view, I am exactly where He wants me to be. Not where I think I should be, where my husband or kids think I should be, friends, or anyone else thinks I should be, but in His divine will for MY life. That gives me peace. The rat race is over. The difficulties of this life will never end until the day I die and go home to be with Him, but for now, I am not chasing after the wind. I'm chasing after Jesus. That is a guilty pleasure I can feel good about. I want to be like Mary in the verse above. The good part will not be taken away from me!