Looking forward to my new body!

2 Corinthians 5:4
New Living Translation (NLT)
4 While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life.

Today is a turn around day for me. I'm happy to be coming out of the other end of this bout with shingles. Shingles manifested itself in me with a nasty looking rash that was extremely painful, itchy and was accompanied with feeling flu-like. This past week has been pretty darn miserable. The pain has lessened somewhat as of yesterday but I've had an extreme "bobble head". My head gets where it is very susceptible to motion. I get dizzy and nauseated just moving at all. A task such as switching laundry from the washer to the dryer is enough to send my head spinning. Remember when you were a little kid and you would spin around as fast as you could and then stop as you staggered around in the yard? That staggering around part is what I have regularly. The only thing that changes is the degree of the dizziness. On days that are bad like yesterday, I feel very discouraged. In all honesty, I want to be put out of my misery...I long for my new body.

MS can be very deceptive. There may be a day or two wedged in between the really bad days that seem somewhat better but as soon as I think I'm feeling better, wham! I'm blindsided by another devastating symptom or relapse. I truly believe that people with MS and other chronic illnesses have a huge appreciation for the very simple pleasures in life. Our good moments become "precious moments". It may be a short ride in the car and a stop for some coffee, but it just feels wonderful. We live with the knowledge that this disease has no end and it doesn't tend to get better, it normally worsens. I will never say that God couldn't remove it from me in the blink of an eye if He so chose to, but my reality over the past 10 years has been to learn how to live with this chronic debilitating disease and to be content with what I have, which is a lot.

Last year I participated in some "dizzy groups" on Facebook for support from people who experience chronic dizziness. I was their worse nightmare. I have the diagnosis that no one on that page wanted to receive. I would read statements like, "I hope it's not something terrible like MS". I stopped participating in those group conversations. I find that my disease process is very different even than my other friends with MS. In a way I see it as a blessing. It forces me to turn to God regularly because He is the ONLY One that understands what I am experiencing. It is impossible for anyone, including my family and friends to know what It feels like to be me. I find myself trying to feel and look normal as to not burden my family or friends. I will push myself to go somewhere or do something when I don't feel like I can. Sometimes that is a good thing and sometimes not.

I'm not writing to complain about my experiences and I'm also not writing this as a "woe is me" kind of thing. It's just me talking about my personal experiences and life with MS. During my difficult days, I get glimpses of God's glory that fill my heart with joy. Sometimes those times don't last very long but they are undeniably from Him. I may get a message from a friend, I may read or see something on the internet, or l may just feel His presence come over me. I won't ever be able to figure out why this particular road was my lot in life, but I can rest that this life here on earth is not the end. I'm looking forward to my new body and my eternity with Him. All this "stuff" just helps my longing for heaven to grow...


Romans 15:13
New King James Version (NKJV)
13 Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.