My Stream in the Desert

Isaiah 43:18-19

New King James Version (NKJV)

18 “Do not remember the former things,

Nor consider the things of old.

19 Behold, I will do a new thing,

Now it shall spring forth;

Shall you not know it?

I will even make a road in the wilderness

And rivers in the desert.

This verse is speaking volumes to me today. I am in a desert. It may be a temporary relapse but I certainly feel parched in this dry land I am in. I am hurting, in physical pain and discomfort. I want to look back and remember feeling well but I know that I must keep moving forward. As I lay in bed and feel like my legs are heavy weights with magnets, it feels like a huge magnet is underneath my bed pulling and keeping me down. I fear that this disease is catching up with me and every day lately I wonder, will this be the last day that I walk? Not a far fetched question to ponder when you have lived with Multiple Sclerosis for over 11 years and little by little your brain and spinal cord are being eaten away at. When the wrong words come out of my mouth and I have to ask, "did I say that?", when I forget what I'm thinking in the middle of thinking, or forget what I'm saying in the middle of saying something, when my hands randomly drop something and it crashes to the floor, when I can't manage to move at all without increasing my dizziness, when my arms are tingling from folding warm laundry, when my back just aches and my strength is declining... I can't help but think that satan has asked whether he can sift me like wheat. I desire to cling to my Savior and remember the cross. He understands every single little twinge of pain and the deep feelings of being isolated. There isn't a single thing that my Lord doesn't understand about my personal situation. I am isolated in that many of my friends with MS cannot comprehend being dizzy 24/7. My dizzy friends with vestibular disorders can't comprehend having all of the MS symptoms on top of the dizziness. I call it my "combination platter". If I allow myself to feel like I have things worse than anyone one else, it puts me in a place where I could become bitter. May that never be. I turn to my Savior and ask Him to let His grace be sufficient for me this day. Let His empty tomb be a reminder that this will end well in due time. A new thing is happening. I don't know all the details but I trust what He has said to me today through His Word. He will make a road through my wilderness and a river or stream through my desert...God is good, all the time.