Joy Comes In The Morning...

Psalm 30:5
New King James Version (NKJV)
5 For His anger is but for a moment,
His favor is for life;
Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.

This verse is on my heart today. Yesterday I was "out of sorts" thinking about some of my most recent trials, and lately, they have been many. Some days feel very dark and dreary. On days like that, I draw near to my Savior through His Word. I could just feel God's Holy Spirit leading me to get comfortable, slow down, and come spend some time with Him. I did and I'm glad. He never disappoints me. This morning when I woke up and I let the dogs out, the sun was peaking through the clouds and I had a fresh feeling of joy sweep over me. A new perspective. My sadness was easing and I could feel the joy seeping into my spirit once again. Going from feeling "low and sad" to" joy and peace" literally overnight is a taste of what our great God can do. That's not to say that my "problems" went away overnight but how I see them has changed. Sometimes in life we experience wave after wave of trials that seem endless. They just keep rolling in and crashing on us. I felt like that yesterday, very overwhelmed with my circumstances. Today I feel more peace. Physically, I feel my usual yucky "dizzy thing" but a sick spirit is worse than a sick body in my opinion. When I am seeking the Lord and drawing near to Him, He draws near to me. There is no one here on earth that could ever fill that void in my life but God. My daughter Amanda, sensing my turmoil, came home yesterday with some beautiful bright flowers and a bag of Tootsie Pops. Simple yet so lovely! A glimpse of God's glory in the midst of my sadness. He uses ordinary means for supernatural purposes. Only Jesus can turn my weeping into joy overnight. I'm grateful and thankful for a God that is real, alive and active in my life. I will sing praises to my God once again. He is faithful and never disappoints me!

I'm so tired today...

Considering I have had MS for over ten years now, I have to say that I've been blessed by not being completely fatigued on a regular basis like so many other people I know with this disease. My energy level is normally pretty good for someone with MS. Today, I can't say that, in fact, the last few days I have been waking up in the morning feeling very tired and sleepy. I have been remaining tired all day long too. Quite often, a relapse will begin by manifesting itself in me with extreme fatigue. I did take a nap today already for about an hour. I forced myself to get back up but I really wanted to go back to sleep again. I try to fight it, but I need God's help. I forget what this weight of tiredness feels like, until it hits me all over again. It's like going for a swim in the pool fully dressed, jeans and all. It's a feeling of heaviness that overwhelms me. I am too tired to read or even think. No, it's not the end of the world by any means to be fatigued, but there is stuff I would like to get done today...maybe later or tomorrow.

In my weakness I turn to the Lord Who says that His power is made perfect in weakness. I'm banking on that promise today. Thank You Lord for Your sufficient grace. It sustains me when I don't feel like I can sustain myself...

2 Corinthians 12:9
New King James Version (NKJV)
9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

My Tire Went Flat...

Hebrews 12:1
New King James Version (NKJV)
12 Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

Sometimes I forget I'm "running" a race. I get caught up in trying to "sprint" in my mind and I get carried away on unnecessary tangents. One thought can lead me down a dark road and fear can easily slip in as my faith seeps out through a slow leak like a tire, leaving me "flat". How does that happen? One moment everything is looking beautiful and lovely and then something happens and it feels like the end of the world. Does that happen to you? The above verse mentions "the sin that so easily ensnares us". Lately, I know in my life, it tends to be the same thing tripping me up regularly in my walk with God. I am a terrible listener! Why is it so difficult for me to just be quiet and listen? This is not only a problem for me, it is trickling down to my flock. Yes, my daughter is EXACTLY like me!!! No wonder we get on each other's last nerve at times! We have the same issue! Two people not listening to each other equals NO ONE truly hearing ANYTHING which equals CHAOS. While reading my bible this morning, I was convicted once again by the following verse;

James 1:19
New King James Version (NKJV)
19 So then,[a] my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;

I have been unable to master the art of listening. I interrupt. I have quite often used the excuse that it's "genetic" because it seems to run in my family. I come from a very fine line of interrupters. I don't want to continue making excuses for myself. I want this behavior to change. Today, I am asking the Lord to help me stop and listen before I open my mouth. I'm asking for His help. If you are a praying person, please lift me up in your prayers. I want to deal head on with this issue. The Lord has a way of peeling back those yucky, ugly layers of the old self as a reminder of how much I need Him for everything. I know that He isn't done with me yet because I woke up today. He will continue to do a work in me until He calls me home. I'm so grateful that He doesn't condemn me and that He is able to deliver me from my ways and mold me to be more like Jesus. As far as that slow leak is concerned, I'm grateful that when I open my bible, He fills me back up again and my "tire" is no longer flat. His mercies are new every morning, that's a very good thing because I need fresh mercy today! Thank You Jesus for Your continued work in me!


John 15:5
New King James Version (NKJV)
5 “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.

Philippians 1:6
New King James Version (NKJV)
6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;

Lamentations 3:22-23
New King James Version (NKJV)
22 Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
23 They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.

Look Up and Live!!!

1 John 5:3
New King James Version (NKJV)
3 For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome.

Kenny has always mentioned a line that his Mom would say at times while he was growing up. I use this saying regularly when I see people walking through a crowded parking lot and not paying attention to where they are going or to the motor vehicles they are walking in front of. I will say to myself, as I watch them, "Look up and live!!!!". It makes perfect sense that walking in front of a moving vehicle is dangerous. Many people are walking in danger without God every day. The above verse says keeping the Lord's commandments is not burdensome. If we do what is right such as look where we are going while walking through a parking lot, chances are better that we won't get hit or even killed.

I can't help but think that there are MANY people, including a lot of young adults I know, that think it is burdensome to keep the Lord's commandments. When we stray and sin, which we are ALL prone to do, we separate ourselves from God. That feels "yucky". The consequences of our sin, depending on our choices, can often lead to depression, anxiety or even death depending upon our actions. Many people are confused about christianity. They think to themselves, "someday when I'm settled down, older, maybe married with children" that will be when I "clean up my act". Then BOOM!!! Calamity strikes. Who is it that one turns to in their deepest and darkest moments? If most people were completely honest with themselves, even if they deny God most of the time, He is the One we cry out to during calamity and traumatic events. If we just take a good look around at the beauty of His handiwork, whether it be the grass, flowers, sun, moon or even our beloved pets, we can see His glory in His handiwork. We can't deny His existence.

Psalm 19:1 states in (NKJV) 19 The heavens declare the glory of God;
And the firmament shows His handiwork.

He is the Creator of the Universe and He wants a relationship with us! Doesn't that just blow your mind? BUT it's even better than that, He is the One Who does the "cleaning up" Himself. Those vices that we think we need to "try and stop doing" before we come to Jesus are the exact vices that HE IS ABLE TO DELIVER US FROM!!!! Many people don't realize how freeing it is when God is not only Your Savior but your friend (John 15:15). As I sit here blogging, an urgent AP has come across my phone. "Breaking (9:29AM EDT) NYC fire officials say several people have been shot outside Empire State Building". Literally, this information just came to me while I'm writing. What are you waiting for? If you feel God tugging at your heart and you can feel a struggle going on inside. That feeling comes from a very real struggle going on in the spiritual realm for your soul. You have an enemy who wants you to live in bondage. We don't know what the next moment in our lives may bring. Yield to the voice of the Lord who may be knocking on the door of your heart. Yield to Him now and begin to find true love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness & faithfulness. These fruit are the byproducts of His presence living in You. All you need to do is surrender your life to Jesus, "LOOK UP AND LIVE!!!!!"

John 3:14-15
New King James Version (NKJV)
14 And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up, 15 that whoever believes in Him should not perish but[a] have eternal life.

Gram

I have a smile on my face just thinking about my Gram today. She passed away three years ago. Today is her birthday and she would have been 98 years old. She was the source of "unconditional" love and it had a tremendous effect on my life. My Gram holds such a special place in my heart and that will never change. No one could ever have replaced her. She was the BEST Gram anyone could have. In my eyes she was the perfect Grandma. She was the kind of woman that everyone loved being around. She had the gift of making everyone she came in contact with feel as if they were the most important and special person she had ever met. I like to think that I was her favorite, but I'm sure there were others who felt the same way. Her name was Rose. I gave the name Rose to my daughter Amanda as her middle name. Considering I grew up in a Jewish home, I decided to name Amanda after my Gram even though as a Jew, you aren't supposed to name your children after someone who is still living. I couldn't resist. I had to carry her name on through my daughter. Even though I wasn't a believer in Jesus at that time, I wasn't superstitious.

No one seemed to understand me quite like my Gram. We had a very special bond. She poured out her love in so many meaningful ways. When I was a little girl, she would sing a song that she had made up, it went like this: "Mi-chele is a good little girl, Grand-ma loves her ve-ry much, Mi-chele is a gooooooood little girllllllll and Grand-ma loves her VE-RY MUCH!!!! I wish you could hear the tune. I felt so loved and special as she would sing this song to me while tucking me in during sleepovers at her house. Yes, she did substitute my sister's name and I'm sure my two male cousin's names into the same song, but I'm sure I was her favorite. ;)

In the morning, Gram would make breakfast for me and my sister. No "pouring your own bowl of cereal" at Gram's house. We had a choice and she enjoyed serving us. We could have Wheatena, scrambled eggs with cheese, cantaloupe with cottage cheese or my favorite, pancakes made with Bisquick. I could literally taste the love in the mixed ingredients.

In the afternoon, Gram would take me and my sister for a ride to Worden's World of Arts and Crafts or Pearl. We would look for craft supplies and then go back to her house and make things. One of my fondest memories was making an orange notepad holder in the shape of a cat. It was made from poster board and orange felt. Gram also taught me how to crochet, which I still do at times, especially while I'm stuck on the couch. It reminds me of her. It brings me joy.

Gram LOVED music. She would always be humming, singing or playing music for my sister and me. We loved the sights, sounds, smells and the love we felt being around her. Her house was a refuge filled with love and singing. We were so incredibly loved!

At night, my sister and I would snuggle up between my Gram and Gramp in their comfy bed and yummy soft sheets that never matched but smelled good. She had a "wedge" pillow that helped us to sit upright in bed so we could watch episodes of Jackie Gleason with them. I loved hearing my Gram & Gramp laugh while watching the tv show.

Gram never forgot the "cute" things that we would say as kids. Still to this day, my sister and I will say some of Gram's all time favorite lines such as, "we're sisters you know" or "a promise is a promise and you always keep it!". She also saved literally every note, card, poem or trinket we ever made and presented to her. She cherished and treasured everything about us.

During the last couple years of her life, as she was nearing the end, I would tell her about Jesus. She prayed with me within the two weeks of her passing. She also told me a few days before she passed away that her Dad, my Great Grandfather, who we affectionately called Papa, had told her about this "Jesus". The day she passed away, I sat on her bed and spoke to her all the things on my heart. We had some very precious time together that I will never forget. Although I wasn't sure if she could still hear me, I held her hand and spoke to her. I told her everything that I felt I needed to say to her. I played "Awesome God" by Michael W. Smith for her on my i -phone and I could feel a squeeze from her hand in response to the song. After I had said everything I wanted to say and I felt satisfied that she heard everything, I once again reminded her how much I loved her. I kissed her face and I said, "I'll see you later Gram!" and then proceeded to walk out of the room. The hospice nurse had stepped outside into the hallway. I said goodbye to her as well. On my way driving home, my cell phone rang. It was my sister calling to tell me that Gram had passed away. I said, "but I just left her....".

Upon returning to her deathbed. The hospice nurse turned to me and said, "God is with you, I heard you talking to your Grandmother and playing music for her, as soon as you said goodbye to her and left, I came back into the room and your Grandma took her last breath. There was no struggling, just a last breath and then there was peace." I cling to God's faithfulness. I long to see my precious Gram again....

Philippians 1:3
New King James Version (NKJV)

3 I thank my God upon every remembrance of you,

The "Caretaker"

Colossians 3:23-24
New King James Version (NKJV)
23 And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for[a] you serve the Lord Christ.

What has been heavy on my heart today is the way the Lord has so specifically called us to be exactly where we are in our lives and how He meets us no matter what the circumstances are. He has a plan and purpose for everything we go through including sickness. He is in control even when we feel like our lives are spiraling out of control at a very fast pace. Last year, as I sat on the couch spinning due to severe vertigo, nausea, vomiting and being completely incapacitated, my husband had to pick up and be "my body" for me. It was one of the many difficult trials I have faced over the years, not just being sick, but feeling so helpless and burdensome. I had no choice but to watch my husband work all day and then cook dinner, clean the house, tend to the dogs, interact with the kids, and continue to care for all of my physical, spiritual and emotional needs. I literally couldn't move. If I was able to eat anything, he had to prepare it and serve me. If I had to use the bathroom, he had to help me. If I needed a shower, he needed to assist me. When I needed to see a doctor, he took me. The list could go on and on about the endless ways he served and cared for me (and still does) during those very difficult months BUT, who got all the flowers, greeting cards and sympathy? NOT HIM!!! I did. He selflessly served me, his wife, in a very sacrificial way and I know what and Who drove him to do so, it was Jesus. Kenny knows that when he serves me, he is actually serving the Lord. It was and is very honorable for him to serve me in that capacity and I respect him for that, but in all honesty, the Lord EXPECTS that from ALL of us. Kenny says that he was "only doing what he should be doing" but I never seemed to agree with him because I felt guilty needing so much help and care. He would say, "I know you would do the same for me". That is the truth, I would. It gives me pleasure to serve my husband. I know I need to make some improvements but we are ALL a work in progress. The reason why I'm writing about this is because there are countless loved ones out there, who are serving their spouses, day in and day out, with no recognition. I don't want to take away any rewards in heaven for these selfless people, but I do want to recognize and thank ALL of the so-called "caretakers" out there who are serving their spouse with all their heart and soul. They are pouring into their spouse much of the love they receive from Christ Himself. It isn't easy being "the sick one" but it sure isn't easy being "the one caring for the sick one" either. In fact, I personally believe it is MORE difficult for the caretaker. They are not ONLY caring for the needs of their spouse but many are continuing to be the main "bread winner" of the family as well. I have no idea what the statistics are for marriages that end in divorce due to the onset of a severe chronic illness, but I'm sure it is very high. When we get married, we make a vow to love one another in sickness and in health. How many people stand at the alter and think, "I may be diagnosed next year with MS or cancer"? When we are in love and courting, no one thinks, "I could be in a wheelchair next year". The truth of the matter is, that as husband and wife, we are committed to serving each other. One beautiful example that the Lord Jesus Himself gave us in reference to serving each other is when He washed the feet of His disciples at the Passover dinner. Imagine that, God Almighty washing the dirty, stinky feet of these men and this included the feet of His betrayer, Judas. How much more should we humble ourselves to serve each other, especially our spouses...

John 13:1-5
New King James Version (NKJV)

13 Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that His hour had come that He should depart from this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.

2 And supper being ended,[a] the devil having already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray Him, 3 Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going to God, 4 rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself. 5 After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded.

Dukey

One day over a year ago now, as I was arriving home from work, I pulled into our driveway, got out of my car and started walking up our front walkway to the front door. Something caught my eye in my peripheral vision. The next door neighbor's A/C unit had a puppy sitting next to it and he was just sitting there staring at me. My son Matt had just recently adopted a puppy that looked exactly like this puppy. I got as close as I could to him to take his picture with my cell phone's camera. I called my son to ask where his puppy Caboose aka "Growlithe" was and he was with my son. This was just some stray puppy. He had two collars on his neck. One of the collars was a clear flea collar and the other one was a nylon baby blue collar with no tags. I tried to get near him but he was very scared. He would bark ferociously if I got too close. I quickly went inside the house to get Kenny's assistance. I grabbed a leash and some dog food from inside the house. This puppy was about 25 lbs or so. He appeared to be neutered. After many attempts to catch him, we were finally successful. We put a leash on him and walked him around our neighborhood a few times expecting to find people looking for him. No one was looking for him. My heart was breaking for him. I don't know how long he was outside alone. Did someone just "dump" him off in our neighborhood? When we returned from our walk, I put him in my car and took him to the local animal hospital to see if he was microchipped. He wasn't. I brought him back home but it was that ride back home where something very strange happened, I fell in love with this puppy. He was laying on the passenger seat with his head laying on the center console staring at me with the saddest and most precious puppy face. My heart actually hurt. I already have two Boston "Terrorists", I mean terriers. They hate other dogs. We can't even take them to the dog park because they fight with all the other dogs. I couldn't keep this puppy. I called Animal Control and after spending many hours with him sitting on my lap out in my front yard, a police car finally came to pick him up to bring him to the local shelter. I cried my eyes out. Watching this poor puppy being put in the back seat of a police cruiser was heartbreaking.

The next day at work I showed some of my co-workers a picture of him in hopes that maybe someone would want to adopt him. They teased me and named him "Junkyard Dog". The Animal Shelter posted a picture of him on the internet so the rightful owners could retrieve him. Day after day for that entire week, I would check on the internet to see if his owners came to pick him up. They never did. I ended up receiving a call at work from the shelter after his "allotted" time there had ended. Being that I was the one who found him, they gave me the choice to come and adopt him or he would be taken to the county Humane Society. The woman was honest with me and said that dogs like this one are a "dime a dozen" and she was pretty sure he would end up being put down. I cried at work.

I called Kenny to explain the dire situation. He could hear the torment in my voice and agreed to "foster" him until we found a home for him. I left work, went home, picked up Kenny and we were off to pick up the "Junkyard Dog". I didn't allow myself time to think it through too much because I knew that this was a crazy thing to do. Not just because it would now mean having three dogs but the other two are so aggressive towards other dogs. When we went to the Animal Shelter to pick him up, he was so excited to see us again that as we walked him out he peed all over the place. We signed some paperwork and took him directly to our local vet for an exam and some puppy shots. Then we were on our way home with the "Junkyard Dog".

It was a nightmare at first. Actually, it still is sometimes. BUT, the two Boston's now "tolerate" him. I originally named him Marmaduke and over time it was shortened to Duke or Dukey. I literally had to get on my knees and cry out to God to help us make this work. It wasn't easy and still isn't at times. Duke was a biter and would leave us with bruises from nipping at us so much. He barks non-stop when people come over and he has all kinds of "issues" but who doesn't, right? Over time, he has improved. He makes us laugh and smile every day. He is an absolute love bug. He is now about 80 lbs and he thinks he's a lap dog. Saving his life has been very rewarding. He has become part of our family. I wouldn't want to go a day without our junkyard dog, Dukey! He's a gift from God.

James 1:17
New King James Version (NKJV)
17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.