Monday, April 29, 2013

He pulls me out of the pit again...

Psalm 40:1-3
New King James Version (NKJV)

40 I waited patiently for the Lord;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.
2 He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.
3 He has put a new song in my mouth—
Praise to our God;
Many will see it and fear,
And will trust in the Lord.

As I wrestled with sleep last night once again, and lay there worrying about my plight, I couldn't stop obsessing over my bad health and what it could mean for me and my family down the road in the future. Since doing a three day round of steroids this week and feeling much worse than I usually do, I was beginning to feel sorry for myself and was starting to slip & slide back down into the miry pit once again.

I'm like an open book when it comes to my life with MS. I don't hide the fact that I have this disease. I would like to think that I am very approachable and I would also like to believe that I have been gifted with the type of compassion that can only come through suffering myself with a chronic debilitating disease but in all honesty, my patience seems to be regressing and in turn, my compassion for others is fading a bit as well. I have a huge desire to tell people about the hope we have in Jesus Christ but I also want to warn people to not take their health for granted. I have taken my own health for granted even while living with MS over the years. Being ill doesn't make one immune to taking certain blessings for granted.

While at my last neurological appointment, my doctor told me about another woman who, like me, is stuck in a body that is spinning (plagued with vertigo). He felt that it might benefit her greatly if she could share her experiences with dizziness and vertigo with someone else who struggles with similar symptoms, that person being me.

I woke up today in "survival mode". I had no true plans of accomplishing anything "meaningful" today. My body is feeling miserable and I was contemplating just sleeping the day away to escape my withdrawal symptoms. My goals for the day were simple. A shower, clean clothes and my bed or the couch for the rest of the day. I had accomplished the shower part when Kenny came into our bedroom and approached me while holding our telephone out towards me with the mute button activated. The screen said "Dr. Steingo" and I assumed they were checking up on me after doing the three days of Solu-Medrol. I said hello and my doctor's assistant asked me how I was doing today, I replied, "I could be better". She proceeded to tell me that she knew I had discussed another patient who is suffering terribly with vertigo and dizziness with Dr. Steingo. She asked me if I would be willing to give this patient a call. I said, "yes! I would love to!" I jotted down her name and number and I also gave the doctor's office permission to give out my number to her or anyone else they felt would benefit from speaking with me.

"Of all the days", I thought to myself. "I feel terrible myself today. How could I ever encourage someone else today?"

I put the woman's name and number aside and thought I'd wait a day or two before calling. Then my thoughts began to drift to some of the most miserable days I've ever experienced in my life. The days that merged into weeks and then months of chronic vertigo that resulted in falls, vomiting, nausea and a complete sense of dread and despair. I lifted up a quick prayer, picked up the phone immediately and dialed the number. A voice on the other end of the line answered. I introduced myself to her and explained how I received her name and number from our mutual doctor. The excitement in her voice stood out to me and it made me realize that my personal experiences have put me in a position to help others. On a grand scale, nothing major happened, yet there was a deep sense of connection between the two us that was deeply expressed and appreciated by the both of us. She felt like someone could finally hear what she was saying. We all have a deep need to be heard and a strong desire to be understood.

Just when I thought that it would be absolutely impossible for me to minister to an ant today, let alone another human being, God had different plans. He used me in the midst of my own storm. I am in awe of my God once again. He not only lifted me out of the miry pit once again, but he used me to help lift another new friend out of her pit too...

Ecclesiastes 4:10
New King James Version (NKJV)
10 For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
For he has no one to help him up.

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